Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy Anniversary

Three years ago today, E and I exchanged these words in front of 80 friends and family:

I am grateful to you for all that you are.
Before you, I was content to live life.
With you, I am inspired to experience all of God's creation.
I cherish the qualities you bring to our relationship.
You are my friend.
You are my most intimate companion.
Thank you for your love, your support, and your strength;
Thank you for your tears and your laughter.
Today, I give you my heart.
I promise to honor you in life.
I will remain faithful for all time.
I will nurture our relationship.
I will support your growth spiritually and personally.
I promise to listen to you.
I will encourage you.
I promise to endure good times and bad
To spend my life, forever, with you.
I love you.

Thank you for the best 6.5 years of my life (so far!) Thank you for working with me to make our dreams come true. I love you with my entire heart. You are my most intimate companion, and I promise to endure good times and bad to spend my life, forever, with you.

I love you.

Friday, December 28, 2007


I'm leaking!!!

Truly, the strangest pregnancy symptom yet.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

21 weeks and another daycare visit

I'm trying to see 21 weeks as our actual halfway point. I'm not sure this strategy will work, but I'm hoping to be better prepared to go late this way... I'm guessing that regardless, at 8.5 months along when I'm bigger than a barge, I will be VERY ready... but I'm trying. :-)

This week has been too crazy to really notice any changes from the week before. I have felt Tot move a bit more, but wish I felt him more. I feel that for someone as "in tune" with her body as I have become, I don't feel him nearly as much as I should. I guess it's as good a place as any to project my baby/pregnancy-related anxiety, so I'll leave it at that. Other than that, my sneezing has died down, and I still gag quite a bit (for no reason in particular... it's annoying!) I'm sleeping well at night, especially now that we're home in our own bed. I am starting to get winded more easily, and I'm looking forward to joining the gym again and getting back into a swimming routine. I don't know what's happening w/ any cravings/aversions as the Christmas snacks have intruded on any regular eating routine. In general, I'm eating quite normally again, which is also quite a relief. I think I may be able to fully enjoy our anniversary dinner next week!

In other news, we toured a second facility today in search of the Best Daycare Ever. We really liked this place. I think it helped that we
  1. weren't as overwhelmed since we had been on a tour once before and knew a bit of what to expect/ask and
  2. knew this place was a bit more affordable than the last.

We are scheduling a few more places, but we're starting to get a feel for not only what's out there, but also what's important to us. I think we'll be able to have something decided in the next month or so, which feels very good as we have so many other things to start working on before Tot arrives!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Home again, home again jiggety jig

We were quite the mid-western travelers over the last few days. 3 cities and four states... plenty for 4.5 days, for sure!

We had nice visits with our families, and Tot even received his first Christmas gifts! Little shoes, a piggy bank, a counting a book and the best onsie ever, that says "Hatched by two chicks." Fantastic! He's going to be well dressed and well educated!

We are happy to be home: happy to not be running around, and exceedingly happy to have slept in our own bed last night. This will be a short week, which is all one can handle after all of the holiday cheer.

Welcome back, and let the countdown to 2008 begin!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's the most wonderful (ly busy) time of the year

Why is it that I have to have so much anxiety over the holidays?

Love cooking/baking and eating? - CHECK
Love gift wrap (such pretty paper) - CHECK
Love my sisters and my mom - CHECK
Love spending time with family - CHECK
Love playing games and making crafts - CHECK
Love watching Gladys play in the snow - CHECK

So, why oh WHY do I have an anxiety attack every time we're about to leave for MI....?

I really do love this time of year, but packing up and heading out and then driving from one place to another with no hours to spare... it just really wears on me. This year the anxiety is a bit lower as I've adjusted my mental framework in a few key ways... I'll leave that for another post. Still, I honestly don't have the energy I usually do, and the busyness just overwhelms me, and it hasn't even truly yet begun!

I don't mean to complain so much. Everyone is so happy to see us (and why wouldn't they be?), which is a nice welcome every time. We just have to cram so much into two days with my fam and one day (this year) w/ E's fam - it's a lot of work. Of course, we have to let Tot spend time with his cousins and aunts and uncles - obviously, not going to see the extended fam is NOT an option.

So, we leave tomorrow from work. We are packing the car tonight with gifts, food, our own belongings and a few for the dog. We will be cleaning the house a bit (who doesn't like returning to a tidied home?), and then feeding and watering the kitties (they can make it four days!) I think we have all of the errands out of the way, and I am not going to get around to making that salad dressing my sister has been asking after... I did, though, send her the recipe this afternoon, so that will have to do.

I don't know about Santa, but we've definitely made our list, and I've checked it twice (or thrice...)

Happy Holidays everyone!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

20 weeks and a whole new reality

We are officially halfway through the "average" pregnancy. Of course, I realize that the avg first pregnancy goes 8 days late... Still, 20 weeks is something to celebrate! Especially now that we know we're having a little boy!!!

Despite having 10 bazillion things to accomplish before leaving to see our families on Friday afternoon, E and I spent last night talking about our little boy and shopping around for little boy clothes. I simply cannot believe the reality that has set in now that we know he's a BOY!! Buying those little outfits - I just imagined him in those little shoes and socks, sporting the sweater vest and looking astoundingly adorable in his little overalls... all this, and with 4.5 months left to go before we meet him!

I cannot fully describe the rush of emotion I had when we learned that Tot is a boy. Of course, one must wonder why one feels the way one does when one is so surprised by one's own reactions, doesn't one? I think that finding out that he's a boy brought on a new sense for me- a sense that he is a real person who will be here in just a few months... we are, after all, already halfway! He is a real person who depends on me now and will depend on us when he's here. I am going to be a mom FOR. THE. REST. OF. MY. LIFE. Of course, it is not that I didn't realize this before, but I now understand this in an entirely new way. (I'm betting that his arrival will up that realization about 400 thousand times...)

Holding those little sweaters and overalls, I could imagine our son in them. I don't know exactly what he will look like when he is born (although, by the pictures, no one can deny that he'll be darn good looking!!), but I could sense him, there, in those little clothes, looking at me, looking at us. This morning when I looked at his picture again, I fell in love with our baby - I've reached a whole new level of love for this child growing inside of me, and I didn't even realize it was possible.

A boy has finally stolen my heart.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

It's a boy!!!

Yup, S and I will be having a little boy in May! We saw the little guy this morning and everything is looking good. He is about 10 oz, 9-12 inches, and his heart beats about 152 bpm! We are going back on Jan. 8th because they want a better picture of the heart when he is a bit bigger. No worries, they didn't see anything wrong just want to see a clearer picture to be sure.

Happy little boy though. Shy with his hands in front of his face most of the ultrasound. He even open and closed his mouth to say, "Hi!"

The blog poll was wrongo! The end vote was 33 girl and 22 boy.

Here are some pictures of our boy!


Proof he is a boy!

We are excited to learn more about raising our little boy. We may just turn to those of you that have already jumped into life with a little guy for some guidance!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Only 1 day left to vote!

We had a very nice weekend. E and I celebrated our Christmas because we spend the real holiday traveling quite a bit. Our holiday isn't much in the way of gifts; although, one should never underestimate the amount of thoughtfulness that can go into a few small things!!

Our Christmas weekend included going to see a movie on Saturday, which may be E's favorite Christmas present as, admittedly, I'm not usually up for sitting for 2 hours. (Although, we were not big fans of the flick.) We checked out the new theater in doing so, then ran to the grocery store to pick up some soup and salad fixin's for dinner. Our evening was perfect with Christmas music, Christmas tree, and Trivial Pursuit by the fire. On Sunday, we went to breakfast, made peppermint bark, and finished off the soup and salad leftovers. We even found time to wrap presents for our trek to MI at the end of this week. What a fantastic weekend!!

Tomorrow morning we go in for the ultrasound. If you haven't done so already, you have today left to get your vote on!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Get your vote on!

Tuesday, we get a glimpse into Tot's world again! We are more excited than we can put into words! We are also hoping to get a glimpse of whether Tot has boy bits or girly ones. We've put a poll in the side bar, and we'd love your votes! Here's a bit of info that may (or may not) be helpful in guessing:

  • 160 beats/minute or above at every appointment
  • extreme and all-day nausea subsided circa 15.5 weeks
  • weight gain ~7 lbs so far
  • food aversions: meat, lettuce
  • food loves: cereal, fruit (Clementines!!)
  • Ring test: circles the first time, side to side the second, side to side THEN circles the third time!!
  • insem right after ovulation, we think
  • Chinese chart says girl or boy depending on which one you look at!

I don't know what else you'd like to know, but we'd love to see your guesses!! We will let you know on Tuesday!!

Our blog crush is.......

Vee and jay from making cakes the hard way ! Why, because they are English? but that helps. It is because they are the people S and I talk about the most and that we hurt the most for when they get the BFN.

Vee and Jay’s fortitude provides us with a push forward in our own lives. They support each other and encourage each other in a way that makes that persuit for a baby always seem like the BFP is just around the corner. They allow themselves to be down, struck with fear, and outright mad about their fertility struggle. They also proceed with their life in general by opening a business, moving to a new place, and live outside of infertility.

We read their blog, their emotions, and their courage on a daily basis. We admire them. Pray for their success in life and most of all send every ounce of baby luck we have to them. They are going to be amazing moms.

Here is to our blog crush, making cakes the hard way!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

19 weeks (& 1 day)

Time is moving along! I guess now that I feel good and we're out and doing things (plus it's the holiday rush season), the time can fly by. Maybe, it's just that time for the first 3 or so months went by so slowly because I felt so crappy. I don't know, but I'm lovin' it!

We are 19 weeks along today! According to the internets, our baby is now 8" long and 8 oz. Wow! Tot is growing! I can tell. My belly is now the biggest part of my body by far. Last night, E said "Wow!! You're pregnant!!" This morning, i caught myself in the mirror from the side, and I can see her sentiments!

I don't have many reasons to complain these days as my pregnancy symptoms have died down significantly. I sneeze a lot - especially in the afternoons at work. I have had some pretty bizarre dreams, but other than that and still tiring a bit easily I feel completely normal. Oh, except that the night before last, I think I felt the baby kick. It continued for a few minutes and was a bit random. I can't say for sure yet as it was a sensation I'd never before felt, but I'm hoping to feel it again soon!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Snow Day

We were both sent home this afternoon due to weather. E shoveled the driveway, we took Gladys to the park, and then we took some pictures of us in our front yard:

I am actually sitting with Gladys in our front yard. LOTS of snow!

And, because I finally got the camera out, here are a few pics of our tree and our mantle, nicely decorated for Christmas (awwww...):

Monday, December 10, 2007

Time to reconsider that stay at home mom job...

Ok, not really at this point (first of all, money aside, since we can't legally get hitched in any way, both of us need to work in order to have insurance...). However, today, we started looking into daycare. We found a place across the street from my work (and E works very close to me), that looks great and we're headed over for our first daycare tour. (This place comes highly recommended, so getting on a waiting list is the way to go.)

We can (barely) afford this place, but I started thinking about our plans to have two children, and I can't figure out how on earth we will pay for two children in daycare in a couple of years. This stuff is expensive!

I'm sure it's not as big of an issue as it feels right now; my pregnancy hormones have been doing some crazy emotional things to me lately (and to E, poor thing!!) It is actually exciting to start looking and getting a feel for what is out there, and I can certainly see why it makes financial sense to have someone stay home with the kids (not to mention emotional and bonding sense too!) Perhaps down the road it's something that would make sense for us too.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Let it Snow

E & I had a fabulous appointment last night. We met with the only m/w we hadn't yet met, and she was fantastic. I liked her within about .3 nanoseconds. It turns out that the intern has finished her rotation, so we don't have to deal with her again. In addition, MW was very open to E's lactation plan, and is going to review it, then call in her meds. Yeah!!! She had to have gotten the impression that we were very organized given that E handed over a crisp clear outlined report with supporting documentation attached. It was quite the document!

Of course, the highlight of the appointment was Tot's steady heartbeat. Up around 160! My eyes well up with happy tears every time we hear our baby!

Afterwards, we felt so relieved that we had made the right decision about where to go for our prenatal care, that we decided to celebrate by going to one of E's very favorite Italian places downtown. We devoured a pesto pizza AND a slice of key lime pie. Yumm!

Now, we just have to last 11 more days before we can see Tot again. SEE TOT again! It is too exciting to think about!

The snow keeps on coming, and that's fine with me. It's beautiful right now. It feels wintry and cozy, and we're looking forward to a weekend where we can do all kinds of holiday preparation. It snowed last night, and rumor has it that the snow will be here again tomorrow.

Let it snow!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Midwife appointment

We are planning our strategy for the MW appointment today. Hopefully it goes better than the past appointments. I have my lactation protocol all typed up and ready to give them. We have a few questions and a few comments for them regarding our future care. Most of all we are looking forward to hearing the heatbeat again!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

18 weeks!

This last week has really flown by. We've been quite busy outside of work, which always makes the time pass quickly.... always good when you're counting weeks until you get to see your baby again (less than 2 to go!!).

In the last week or two I've had some notable changes. I have definitely grown again. Tot is growing, and my tummy is growing too. I'm VERY thick around the middle now, and nearly looking pregnant, rather than like I've been eating too many donuts - call me crazy, but I prefer pregnant to gluttonous.

I'm still fruit crazy, but I'm also eating more veggies. I love feeling like I eat normally again. I'm still carb-heavy compared to my pre-pregnancy food choices, but last night's dinner included not one, but TWO vegetables (zucchini and broccoli) in addition to whole wheat pasta. I also love, love, LOVE milk. I was never really a milk drinker before being pregnant, but now I have 3 - 6 servings a day... that doesn't include any yogurt or cheese, that's just milk. I don't really notice any other major cravings, although the other day I realized that in the last four months I've had four donuts, which is at least 2 more than I have in any given year.

We meet with the midwife tomorrow. Depending on how it goes, we will probably decide whether to stay with them, or to go back to our old NP's office and do a hospital birth. I'm not stressed out about it anymore; I just want to have Dr.'s appointments that aren't so annoying.

So, we've made it 18 weeks! I'm feeling good - lots of energy over all, and we are staring at the halfway mark: Christmas. Wow! I can't believe we've made it this far. How wonderfully fortunate we are!

Monday, December 3, 2007

He is here!

The greatest dad on earth is visiting us till Wednesday! What do we plan to do with him? We plan to eat, talk, eat, drink a little wine, and laugh! We love having him visit. He is laid back, fun, and one of our favorite people!

Here he is with one of his best friends, my niece Maureen!

In other news, we took G to a local non-profit that helps adopt out cats to have her picture taken with Santa! It was the group's big fundraiser and S's boss volunteers for the group so it all made sense. G was terrified. She is a bit of a chicken about a few things but when a scary, hairy, man in a red suit approached you fast and in a hovering manner, who wouldn't be scared. I know this is a group of cat lovers but for goodness sake, if you are having dogs come in...learn how to approach them. Well, to get the picture taken I had to be in it. Look at her face, she thinks this man is about to kill us!

Happy Holidays from G!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Blog- a-versary

Today marks one year of blogging for us. We were so frustrated, confused, and sick of not getting pregnant. We started the blog with the same motto as UterusX2: if you blog it, it will come. Well, we’ve got one on the way and they have one baby here and two in a belly. I’d say they must have blogged harder than us, er, used more uteri at least!

Look at how we’ve grown!

Anyway, this community has been such a blessing to us as we surfed the ever-changing waves of emotions. Comments from those that have been there, are going there, want to get there, and know us in real life (IRL) have boosted us out of slumps, warmed our hearts, lifted our spirits, mad us laugh, and given us the encouragement to be where we are today, 17 weeks pregnant.

There were times when we thought this would never happen. We thought we were on an endless journey toward disappointment. We are now filled with love, satisfaction, and one of us amniotic fluid!!!!!! Thank you all that have been there for us during the tough times. TTCers, are looking forward to sharing this joy with you when you realize your dreams. Preggers, we look forward to growing with you and stepping into motherhood/fatherhood with you all. Doing the Family Thingers, we enjoy watching your families grow though you words and pictures.

Last but not least, Lurkers, we look forward to providing whatever it is you come to our blog to read, see, and observe. We would love to know who you are. Please leave a comment!

Happy Blog-a-versary to you all! And thanks for the year of friendship and support!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Mind the Gap, Please

What is wrong with this world. Why can't companies and people ever learn to laugh at themselves!

The voice over lady for the London Tube was fired this week for mocking the tube and those that ride it on her personal website. I think they could have used some of them in a quirky fun ad campaign! I personally like the one about American tourists!

Check 'em out!

Really her whole website is full of fun and entertaining work avoiding activities!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

17 weeks!

17 weeks along!! wow! I can't believe it! Barely 4 months ago, we were starting to believe we would never be pregnant. Now, we are almost 4 months along! By Christmas, we will be just over halfway!

Things have changed quite a bit in the last few weeks. I have sensed my body change a few times, but it has really changed over the last week or so. I'm starting to really grow outward (thankfully, nowhere else!!) I'm also sleeping more comfortably for some reason- I know it has to do with my changing body shape, but I'm not exactly sure how or why. (Not having to get up 4 times in the middle of the night to use the bathroom helps too.)

I've also had significantly more energy. Sure, I'm still tired at night, but I go all day long now. Even a month ago, I was too exhausted to make dinner by the time we were home from work for the day. Now, I wake up looking forward to walking the dog. I'm productive all day long at my job, and then we have 2-3 hours at night where I am still up and around.

I'm also starting to enjoy food again - not completely, but I don't have to eat as often, which makes it less of a chore. I also am enjoying more kinds of food again, which also feels more normal. The nausea didn't leave at the 14 week mark like I had hoped. I don't want to speak too soon, but at just after 15 weeks it disappeared and has yet to rear its ugly head again.

So far, the second trimester is going well - just in time for the overly busy holiday season, which would make me tired on any given year. Yay, 17 weeks!!

Monday, November 26, 2007


We're home. We had a very nice visit with my family and a nice quick lunch with Erin's dad while we were back in our home state. The drive on Wednesday evening was less than desirable with heavy traffic and non stop drizzle that managed to severely decrease visibility and about two extra hours on top of our usual drive time; however, no blizzards, no accidents... it could have been worse.

We headed back on Saturday afternoon and had an easy drive home. I was a bit uncomfortable (as I had been on the way there as well), but since E did all of the driving, I was able to shift as necessary. Gladys was a trooper in the car, as always. We arrived home just in time to eat something and go to bed. (OK, it wasn't yet 8pm, but I was exhausted!!)

Yesterday was a fantastic day! We began with getting up early and cleaning the living room and taking Gladys for a walk. We then headed downtown for a fabulous brunch with 4 of our fabulous friends. After a scrumptious meal, we picked up Gladys and went out to the tree farm where we chopped down a Fraser fir for our living room. The rest of the day we spent decorating and eating goat cheese (pasteurized) and clementines. It was a wonderful way to end a long weekend!

Monday, November 19, 2007

From sinner to member…..

This recovering Catholic is officially no longer a Catholic. YIKES! An identity that I carried through 12 years of Catholic education and many years in college, one that suppressed me and helped me grow at the same time, is no longer. I am now a card-carrying (well a coffee mug carrying, they gave us mugs) member of the United Church of Christ. Yup, S and I joined a church yesterday.

Don’t get me wrong, my family was never the, “you are dammed to hell you if you question the Pope” kind of family. We were the arrive 10 min late to the 12:30 pm Sunday mass or work really hard to get it out of the way on Saturday at 6:00 pm family. My parents listened to doubts but incorporated prayer before dinner. The education was stellar in the Catholic schools I attended. I am grateful to them for all the choices they made in sending me to that school and letting me develop my own spirituality at the same time. Besides, what other choice did they have but to raise me Catholic in the Catholic schools since my mother was once a nun. Yup folks, you read that right my mom was a nun for somewhere around 9 years. And, no, my dad did not woo her out of it. My mom decided the match wasn’t right and decided to impact the world outside the nunnery, which she did by teaching overseas, marrying my dad, having my brother and I, and in so many other ways. (I speak in past tense about her because she passed away 16 years ago not because she does not still do these things. She does it in a much more indirect and magical way.)

The Catholics are strange, and I’m sorry if that offends anyone. I kinda mean a good strange. So many of my friends are Catholic (i.e. high school friends). My dad, brother, and sister-in-law are still practicing Catholics, as are many of my extended family members. These people are all supportive of the family S and I are building and do not take the Pope’s words regarding us as vial sinners to heart, and I thank them for that. This is why Catholics are so strange; so many people that walk in the Catholic Church doors come with a broadminded interpretation of the Cannon Laws and the Pope’s dictations, all while under the pretense of following the guidance of the Pope. J You have to admit; it is a bit strange but in a good way. Some would deem freethinking Catholics an oxymoron.

All that said, the Catholic Church itself had turned me off to church altogether. That is till my wife talked about how much she would really like to get back to church. All I could think about was standing in church being bored, mindlessly reciting words ingrained in my head since childhood, and listening to the priest drone on about his old world views of today’s world. YIKES! Since then, we have found the United Church of Christ where they talk about the reality of today’s world, our impact on it, and how our actions are a representation of God’s work here on earth.

So, yesterday we stood before the congregation and were welcomed as an openly lesbian couple into the their community without a question or doubt from them. It was nice to see people take on the teachings of a man named Jesus in their actions, to welcome all who strive to be closer to God. Even more to the point, instead of a sermon this church (which has members that are old enough to be my great grandmother and young enough to be growing in S’s belly) had the PROUD Theater Group (a theater troupe of lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, queer, questioning, and ally kids middle school to high school age) perform a set of monologues on religion and sexuality, doubt and devotion, fear and pride, and most of all about me an my journey back to a church.

Recovering Catholic no more, now a UCC member. As the UCC motto states, God is still speaking……s/he didn’t forget me while I was away, s/he was and is always speaking. Thanks S for encouraging me to go back. I’m looking forward to raising our baby with the support of this community.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

My How We've Grown: For my sisters

10 years ago we lost one of the two most influential people in our lives up to that point. We were all in different chapters of our life: teenagers, early adulthood, high school, college…. We each experienced Dad’s death in a profoundly personal way – to such a degree that sometimes our familial bonds did not seem to help us in dealing with the grief, loss, confusion, even relief… The time before, and the time following Dad’s passing is a time in each of our lives where we learned to come to terms with mortality in a way that few people our age(s) have had to endure. Seeing death and dying in someone you are so close to can only change you forever.

We are all different from one another to this day, but it seems now that the grief and sorrow that felt so personal then, are something that we share now. We each have our own feelings and memories of dad and his passing. Something personal remains, yet I know that all four of us know what it is like to lose someone of that magnitude at such a young age. This commonality exists- even though I cannot understand what is like to lose a father when in high school, and you may not be able to understand what it’s like to lose a father when you’ve just begun to understand how to love him, for the first time, as a young adult.

What really strikes me today, though, is that we have hit 10 years. 10 years of life without Dad. Sometimes, I wish I could just call him up and ask him for some financial advice or bug him to come take me out for breakfast b/c it’s been so long. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when I told him I got a full ride to grad school, and I wish he knew how happy I am now that I’m with the one I love and we’re going to have a baby. How proud would he be of all of us? That we managed to grow up and buy houses, choose careers and start families? He’s missed out on quite a bit, and we’ve missed out on the chance to share it with him.

Over the course of 10 years, I have forgotten things I never wanted to forget about him, but I also now have happier memories. I remember the loud music on the boat, and riding out to see the sunsets on Lake Michigan. I remember how much he loved being in the sun, and how summer always seemed to be a happy time for our family. I recall walking the streets of Chicago, as Dad pointed and explained tall buildings as he marveled at the engineering success of the human race. I remember the Platter, playing sugar football. I remember attending homecoming games and listening to him explain the rules of football to me every year – I loved it; I loved his attention. Dad was far from perfect, and I haven’t forgotten those things, but I enjoy the good memories now for what they are: good memories.

I’m also thankful to him for giving me an important piece of myself. I am driven. I like to get things done; I like to succeed. I know I can figure out how to win, eventually, as all good wins take time. I accomplish lots of things, far more than most, and this energy, I believe, is something I learned or somehow inherited from him. It is a core piece of who I am, and I am thankful for it. All four of us have a piece of this in us as we are all busy accomplishing life every day, every year.

I cannot help but wonder what it would be like if he visited, for just a day. What would he say? Would he see us as we really are? My, how we’ve changed since he last saw us! He would have to see that we’ve grown up; we’re no longer just his four little girls. We’re all women now. Then, we were so much younger, still in school, and none of us had met who we were to choose as life partners. Now, we are still in different stages of our lives, but things have changed remarkably: paying our own bills, college degrees, masters degrees, love, weddings, marriage, first houses, living in different states and cities, dogs, children, pregnancies, new jobs, and so much more to come. We are grown up. We are still growing as individuals, as adults, as women, as a family. I can’t believe that Dad has missed all of this. I can’t believe it has been 10 years. I think, though, that if he were to visit, he would beam with pride at how we’ve turned out. How each of his “girls” has grown.

This song has been spinning in my head for weeks now. I think it’s what he would say to us if he were to come back and see us. I think he would be sad to have missed how much we’ve grown, and sad that he won’t see us as we continue to do so as the years go by.

Natalie Merchant/ Christian Burial Music © 1992
"my, how you've grown"
I remember that phrase
from my childhood days too

"just wait and see"
I remember those words
and how they chided me

when patient was the hardest thing to be

because we can't make up for the time that we've lost
I must let these memories provide
no little girl can stop her world to wait for me

I should have known
at your age, in a string of days the year is gone
but in that space of time it takes so long

because we can't make up for the time that we've lost
I must let those memories provide
no little girl can stop her world to wait for me

every time we say goodbye
you're frozen in my mind
as the child that you never will be
you never will be again

I'll never be more to you than a stranger could be

every time we say goodbye
you're frozen in my mind
as a child that you never will be
will be again

Dad, you’ve missed quite a bit in the last 10 years, but we are all doing well. We are happy, healthy, and pursuing our lives to the fullest. We are in love, and we are all grown up with adult lives: houses, families, and plans for the future. We’re not your little girls anymore, except in memories, which is where you live within each of us.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Paving the way

Sometimes it really strikes me that this world has so much more to learn about, especially when it comes to what it defines as “alternative lifestyles and families”. Sure the term alternative bugs me. Sure I am irritated that I have to educate so many people about how my family is normal. I said a few posts ago that my approach is to inform people about something (i.e. lesbians having babies) and then give them the space to let it sink in, talk to others, and come to a conclusion about how they feel about it. I (as all same-sex couples do) field some of the strangest questions in the spirit of helping this defunked world overcome their personal and societal hurdles. But, if the mission is to breakdown barriers, I have to be ok with answering those questions and giving that space.

As I embark on the lactation induction experiment it is becoming more and more clear to me that I will have to work to pave the way again. As worldly and knowledgeable as the MBC and our MWs are, they seem to be stumped by the protocol for inducing lactation in a non-bio mom of two mom family. The MW that initially asked me if I was going to b/f (breastfeed) seemed to have a decent grasp on what that would entail. However, at our appointment a week ago a different MW and the Lactation Expert (LE) were timid, nervous, and very unsure about what and how this would all actualize. GEEEEZ! You guys are the ones that are supposed to know. They gave me a freaking website to visit…..thanks but I’ve already been there!

Well, now I know. I have been to the website, read everything, been to other websites, and am building my own protocol. I will be the first non-bio mom of a two mom family to attempt this in the care of the MBC and so I will therefore be the one to determine the what, where, how, and why. I will educate them on what to do with two moms breastfeeding. I am not under the impression that my protocol will not need to be altered or refined throughout the process and I also understand that it may not work at all. I just need someone to be confident in the attempt (besides you S, you are awesome and it is because of you we can give it a good go) and so that person will be me.

Watch out MW and LE, you just unleashed a determined, self-reliant, knowledgeable, resourceful, non-bio mom looking to breastfeed. Prepare to learn!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

California, Here you come!

E and I had a very nice night last night. We went to a "craft night" hosted by my coworker. We finally had a chance to start working on the other pieces of the nursery. I started cutting squares for the quilt, and E cut out the stencils that she is going to paint on the wall. We still have much work to be done, but at least we've broken ground!

In addition to accomplishing baby-related items, which is always fun, we had a nice social evening. Since I've started feeling better, we've started seeing people socially again, which feels good - probably especially for E, who is by far a more social being than I. We both had a fine time. We brought another friend with us, and 6-8 women hung out all evening working on various things: painting, sewing, knitting, cutting out stencils... while also chatting and getting to know one another. What a nice way to spend an evening!

Today, we are getting some very special guests, all the way from CA! C&C arrive today, and we are picking them up in the early evening. They are gracing us with their presence until Monday afternoon, and we couldn't be happier as it's been nearly three months since we've seen our best gals. (and they really are the best!) Posting might be a bit scant this weekend due to so much friendly distraction, but there is also a chance that I will be the only (insane) soul up at 6am, giving me plenty of time to catch up with all of you.

Oh, one more thing, we're suspecting that C&C want to work on the nursery this weekend with us... so it's slightly possible that pics could be up by this weekend or early next week! I know you're all just hanging on to the edges of your seats!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

There's a Baby in there!

Confirmed, our baby is in there! We heard her/his heartbeat again last night! There is not a more beautiful sound on this earth, I have learned.

Other than that, the appointment was loooonnnnggg. We like the philosophy of the Birth Center, but our appointments take forever (1.5 hours!!!!). Some of the things could be gone over in double (or triple) time... Additionally, they have an intern learning to become a m/w, so she was conducting a significant portion of the appointment. I'm a bit of a private person, and I don't appreciate an audience. (E.g. at our ceremony, I was so tired of having everyone "looking" at me!!) She was eager to prove how much she knew and -I'm sure - quite nervous, so we didn't particularly enjoy her. Things did improve somewhat, however, when OUR m/w commended us on our "organization" (list of questions and ability to think ahead.) The intern/resident took a hint that we didn't need to be reminded to 'wash our hands' in order to avoid cold and flu. I'm sure she's a lovely individual, and she's clearly passionate about learning to be a m/w. I just would be perfectly fine if she wasn't my midwife or attending any other of our appointments.

Her worst offense, though: She virtually ignored E the entire time while pouring tons of attention all over me. I HATE that. It makes me want to scream "leave me alone!!" while simultaneously cutting E out of the appointment for OUR baby.

Aside from the intern/resident and the 95 minutes spent in the Center (plus 30 minutes each way b/c it's on the other side of town), the appointment went well. All of our tests are coming back normal and good. I have good iron levels, which I was concerned about with my renewed meat aversion. The nuchal test came back good. The m/w thought I was eating pretty well considering my newly found hatred for vegetables (carrots and green beans as the exceptions.) She was happy with my weight gain. Yada yada yada. Everything is progressing well so far.

Oh, and did I mention that we heard our baby's heartbeat? 160's again. Perfect little baby!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Heartbeats, breastfeeding, and velcro shoes

Today we hear the Tot's heartbeat again. We head to the MW today for a check up, some "teaching" (we kinda hate that they always say they are going to do some teaching), and likely an "exam". It is the first time we have been back since we took our trip to the medical world for the ultrasound. I don't the MW was a big fan of us doing that but who cares! It is our health care and pregnancy after all. They talk a big game about make it all about your pregnancy and you guide the services so that is what we did! :)

On another note, I will be telling the MW today that I am interested in inducing lactation. I'm not sure what kind of regimen that will consist of but I have decided it is the best choice for me, the Tot, and S. I'm actually kind of excited about it. I started to tell people at work so that when I start pumping at work (which could be in a few months) they don't think I'm crazy. I find (as many of us that live "alternative lifestyles" do) that allowing people space to let the things in my life that challenge the norm sink in, they have a better reaction. Ug, the things we do for the "straights"! :)

Last thing, S wants me to share with you all that sometimes people that wear black velcro shoes creep me out. There, now you all can have time to let that sink in and hopefully you will still respect me and my feelings. :)

Happy Monday!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Painted Nursery

The nursery is (mostly) painted! We spent all day yesterday painting the trim and the walls. We were working until nearly 11pm! (Which, as you all should know, is at least 2 hours past my bedtime, if not more!) It looks wonderful! We chose "Gobi Dessert" for the walls, and we painted the trim "Ostrich Egg". We aren't yet ready to post pictures because we have some other artistic touches to add, but we got a lot of work done yesterday!

Today we will be cleaning the house (aka, finally taking care of the piles of dishes in the kitchen) and getting ready for our very dear friends C&C to visit us on Thursday! I'm also hoping to get a jump on the baby quilt as we have plans to attend a craft group on Wednesday, and I would like to work on it that evening. So, lots of baby prep going on here. E really deserves a lot of the credit for getting this big job done. I, of course, need to stop and eat and/or rest every little while, so she was left working by herself on several occasions. She also really drove this project- as soon as she got up yesterday morning, she was moving and shaking in the nursery (b/c it's definitely no longer an office!). We're so excited for this baby!!!!

Friday, November 2, 2007


Big congrats to CD & SP!!! They received the big news yesterday!!!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I'm back & Happy Halloween: Updated

E picked me up from the airport yesterday at 12:45pm. We had a lovely lunch at home, given that I wanted normal food. After 5 days of eating out (most of which was convention center CRAP!!), all I wanted was a pb & j with carrots on the side. That's exactly what we had.

I spent the rest of the afternoon lounging on the couch, taking a bath, reading my new Consumer Reports book about baby gear (thanks R, J & M!!), taking a nap, and walking Gladys. Not a bad afternoon in my opinion.

In the evening, E and I ran out to buy me a witch's hat for my Halloween "costume". Everyone dresses up here at my job, so I now have a hat to fit in/play along/look like a team player etc... The truth is, I'm the freak that hates dressing up for Halloween. I blame my mom who hated finding four costumes every year (except that I also find it totally understandable/justified!!) I really like my. own. clothes. SOOOO, I'm wearing all my own clothes (black) and I have this hat I can wear at the party this afternoon. A perfect Halloween compromise.

So, I'm back and getting into the swing of things. I have a lot of work to catch up on here at the office, but so does everyone else on my team.

Happy Halloween!

Update: I did not win the costume contest, even though there were several prizes. I won't win next year either, as I plan on being the very same thing. Next year I'll skip the lining up at the front of the room and voting so that I can sit in the crowd and enjoy my caramel apple in peace. :-)

Saturday, October 27, 2007


S is gone for till Tuesday and Gladys and I are home alone. I'm supposed to be working on the house but just haven't gotten to it yet. I am about to start cleaning out our bedroom. The plan for getting ready for the baby include a new master bedroom layout, cleaned out closets, and organizing the new office (moved to the basement). These are the tasks I'm supposed to work on this weekend, but, um, I just haven't started yet....

Oh well, Gladys and I have been having a pretty good day otherwise. We have slept in, gone to the dog park, the pet store, talked to a good friend that lives very far away, and now are watching a little football.

Happy Saturday! Miss you S!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


WOW! What a feeling to look at your baby for the first time. Tot is adorable! We saw the heartbeat, 167 bpm. We saw feet! We saw arms! We saw a nose! Oh, my god you can’t even being to explain the emotional wonderment that happens when you see your child for the first time. Thank god we did this.

Everything is measuring normal and wonderful. The 4-D was way cool because that was when Tot decided to start moving around and pushing off the side of the uterus! AMAZING!!!!!! Here are some of the pics. Enjoy, we did!

What a beautiful profile!

4-D lounging with arms tucked behind the head!!!!!!

Booty, feet and toes!!!!

Tot waves hello!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My Gift: My Wife

Have you ever felt like you got the gift on someone else's birthday? I do every year. Today is my wife's birthday. This is the day, 24 years before I ever got it; I was given the best gift in the world, S. Now, her mom, sisters, and many others may argue that they got the gift as well, but, they had the first 24 years and I'm gonna get the last 75 or so!!!!! I win! Ok, I'll share her sometimes. Anyway, I cherish this day every year because it is the day that God put my perfect match on this earth. She is my completer (I don't care if that is word or not). She is the one that makes me who I am and encourages me to be better everyday. Enough about me here is what she is:

a dynamic thinker
a cheerleader for others
a giver
my best friend
well read
one hell of a cook
my love!

She isn't a few things but I'll save those for another day!!! :)

I love you baby! You are my one, my world, and always and forever my wife. Thank you and Happy Birthday!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

A warm Fall Sunday

E and I are having a pretty good weekend. Yesterday, we went for a nice hike and took the dog with us - she even had a chance to swim for a while, a big treat. The weather was fantastic, and the only reason we left was because I was getting too hot! We had a nice dinner out and then came home where I slept for the first nigh with a body pillow - I highly recommend it!

Today we are expecting a visitor - a lovely friend of ours whose husband attended grad school with me. She is bringing her 8 month old son to meet us for the first time. We are truly looking forward to it! In the meantime, E is mowing the lawn since it continues to grow in 70+ degree weather, regardless of the season. The kitchen is clean, a few thank you notes written for some early baby gifts (booties and our first baby toy!!!) as well as a pair of boring black flats my sis sent me, which will come in extremely handy given that my feet have expanded outward thus rendering my nice heeled shoes unwearable. I shall again, at least, be presentable at work!

I had a dream the other night that I was carrying our baby boy to my cousin's wedding (far from reality since this particular cousin was married 8-ish years ago, but...) I kept looking at him then lifting him and hugging him. I don't know that the gender in the dream was any kind of premonition, but it was weird b/c when I awoke, I felt like I didn't have a particularly large affection for the baby in the dream, which made me feel terrible since I feel as though I dearly love this child already. E pointed out that we have yet to see or hear the baby, and we are going to be closer to her/him once that happens. All evidence of our child's existence is actually- up to this point- indirect, and we are READY to see him/her!!!

Speaking of seeing our child, our ultrasound is Wednesday morning, and we've come to the point where it is now mentioned every 1/2 hour or so. We are so very excited - not particularly nervous, but definitely anxious and ready to see our Tot!!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Finally Friday

I must feel this way often - Blogger completed my title before I could get it out.

I am very glad it's Friday. I am basically left on my own at the office today, which means I can be very productive. I am looking forward to finishing bunches of stuff and then heading home to enjoy two days of not waking up very early yet still enjoying a nice early bedtime.

Have a great day, all!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Enough Already

That is it. Look here hormones ease up on my wife already.

Man, this tot must be doing some major growing and developing. It must be forming a genius brain or something. S has been hit with the yucks hard this week. Here I am absent due to my overly ego maniac board members, leaving her to fend for herself. She even had to walk to my office yesterday because I was stuck on the phone and she needed the car to get food. I mean NEEDED food!!!! Then she had to deal with me and my overly sensitive, frustrated, and quick tempered self that exists after having my energy and brain sucked dry by dentists. Poor baby.

I love you tot, but give your mom a break already!!!!

As for remedies tried for this nausea, here is the list and I may have missed a few, we've tried it all. Peppermint tea and hard candy, ginger flavored anything makes her feel like she is going to barf, lemon favored hard candy, crackers, preggo pops, sea bands, naps, eating every time she starts to feel sick, raspberry tea and suckers, belly bars, and so on and so on.

I think I'm just going to have to pamper her till this latest version of the yucks passes.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Busy Busy lives

Things at the Village have been rather busy of late - particularly for E. I'm thinking I might get my wife back before I leave for a trade show next week, but there is no guarantees at this point. Of course, next week, it will be E who will be losing her wife for nearly a week....

Admittedly, I'm greatly anticipating November.

  1. I will have finished up the tradeshow, which has been sucking what life I have out of me every day at work.
  2. We will have entered trimester #2 officially, and I will likely be feeling better more consistently (unlike days like today where I've managed to stave off any obvious pregnancy symptoms - aka pregnancy pukes - while at work, but only barely. )
  3. We will have seen the tot on screen (10/24 - I can't wait!!!) I'm assuming that my anxiety will decrease 10-fold or more at that point.
  4. We are ALSO going to receive one of the greatest gifts on earth: a visit from our dearest friends who are traveling all the way from SF to see us as a twosome for the last time!! C&c are planning to visit again after the Tot has arrived, but this trip will be the last time we are just 4!

So, at the moment, I am living in the future. A future where I feel well, I see my wife from time to time, and my favorite friends are visiting.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

A message in our inbox on Friday (E's fabulous dad)

I woke up this morning with the first thought of the day being "Tiny tot how are you? A sense of warmth and connectedness produced a very big smile on my face. Then I knelt down and said a prayer for the well being of all of you. What a great start to the day. Take very good care of yourselves.. Love and lots of it. Dad

Friday, October 12, 2007

Am I gonna what?!?!?!

So, here is the deal that S said I would post about. I thought what better time than after reading jay's post about "other mother" stuff (really would like a different term for that but don't like non-bio much either).

So the MW looks up at me, from whatever note she is writing from her last question, and says, "So, are you planning to breastfeed?" I thought she forgot who was pregnant. I think my intelligent answer was, "huh" while I proceeded to turn bright red. Now, S had mentioned something like that at one point but she is always reading weird things. I just never know what to really pay attention to, sounds mean but if you got as many New York T*mes articles sent to you (some of you know exactly what I'm talking about) from her you would become selective too. Anyway, I thought it would have to be really involved and so I blew it off as just another hair-brained thing some people out there are doing. That is until the granola naturalist MW mentioned it.

She told us another couple using the MBC was doing it and that it really only involves some birth control like pills and breast pumps. I would apparently have to start the process sooner verses later. S is leaving the decision up to me and it seems like a really easy one to make...but nothing is easy in baby making. Here is the deal.

1. After a two-year discussion leading to S being the sole person in our duo to carry our children I have completely removed myself from any thoughts about carrying and breastfeeding a baby. I have successfully done so to the point that I am now having a really hard time envisioning myself breastfeeding. I think I have detached from the idea that my breasts would ever be used in that manner. Does that make sense? I think I can re-attached myself to the thoughts but that leads me to #2.

2. What if (a) it doesn’t work and I have re-attached to thinking I am going to experience that amazing bond and I can’t? What if (b) the baby latches to me better than S? Does that cause a weird dynamic?

3. Breastfeeding for two-years of your life (timeframe is according to the MW) reduces your risk of breast cancer. My mother died of breast cancer when I was 14 and my aunt is a survivor going on nearly 10 years. I defiantly am high-risk. I could use some factors that reduce the risk, that is for sure!

4. Wouldn’t I be foolish to pass up the opportunity to try? This is a bond so unique to women and babies. I can participate! If I decide not to, I can’t really get that chance back.

What to do…..

The internet is loaded with information about this for adoptive mothers but little information for non-bio lesbian moms. I only mention that because I think that non-bio lesbian moms would have different situations in many ways, as there is another breast-feeding mother in the picture. Clearly an under reported dynamic. If there are any non-bio lesbian breastfeeding or intending to breastfeed moms out there lurking, talk to me! Any other input, as if some of you need that endorsement, please share.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

10 weeks: updated

That is it! We are taking the dive. We have the call in to get the ultrasound. We are sick of not ever seeing anything and not having any proof (other than a tired wife) that there is a baby. Our MW is not really the biggest fan of the idea of an ultrasound but then again, she didn't have the bad dreams I had last night about the baby being lost. She also did try to get pregnant for two years! Well, she isn't really all that negative Nelly about the ultrasound but we are all the demanding Donna about getting it now! SHOW ME THE TOT!

On the other note, S mentioned in the last post that the MW gave us some new things to consider and that she was leaving it up to me to post about. I'm still working on figuring out my own perspective on it and will share soon.

We have an appointment for an ultrasound on Oct. 24.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Appointment Update - Nothing to Tell

We had our appointment last night. I really like the midwife from last night- there are three in the practice and this one was bubbly (but not overly so), friendly and reassuring, as well as knowledgable. She talked to us for a while, and then did an exam and took blood for lab work.

We've officially decided that the only screening we're going to have is the 20 week ultrasound. We don't need anything else in our estimation. Other than that, she gave us some things to think about that I'll let E post about when she has a moment. (She's been overloaded at work lately, hence the one-sided posting lately.)

Unfortunately, we still didn't hear the heartbeat, so we're going back in two weeks for a fetal heart check. We will probably consider an u/s at that point if we still don't hear the heartbeat. The mw told us, though, that my uterus is "very anterior", so that would make hearing an early heartbeat rather difficult. Other than that, though, I guess everything "looks good."

Sunday, October 7, 2007

A good weekend

We spent yesterday morning driving to an apple orchard that didn't exist. Double bummer was that the fall colors we had hoped to see have yet to pop, likely due to the unseasonably warm weather. Nonetheless, E and I had a nice time together. After the no-go about an hour outside of town, we came back to our fair city and visited the tourist trap orchard here. We had a marvelous time. I had never picked apples before, and E and I had a blast. We picked out our pumpkins too. Pictures will come later. We did have to leave a bit earlier than we had planned due to the heat. I was overheating, so we left without finding any gourds for the front stoop - something fun for next weekend.

Today, we've been working on getting some things done. After church, grocery shopping, and taking a quick nap, we again felt motivated to work on the office-nursery conversion. Currently, E is still slaving away while I take a break in the basement to cool off and write this. Gladys has been so hot this weekend that our walks have been boring; she wants to go home and lie on the kitchen tile. Ahhh... October in Wisconsin.

We have a busy evening tomorrow where we are again visiting the midwife. This time, we expect lab work and a physical exam with less emphasis on the get-to-know-ya and nutrition education piece of it. We're also really hoping to hear the heartbeat tomorrow... really hoping. We'll be 9 weeks and 5 days, so the chances are pretty good.

E and I are, by nature I suppose, very impatient. Last night, after I posted, we finished clearing out the office of everything office-related. We then couldn't help ourselves. We HAD to put up the crib and put the dresser/changing table into the room, in spite of the fact that we have yet to paint. Still, the crib looks marvelous in our house!!!

Friday, October 5, 2007

Happy Birthday Gladys

Gladys is 2 today!! No cake for her, but she'll get a nice walk when we get home!!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

9 weeks

I really can't believe that we're at 9 weeks already! In spite of a nasty little incident on Monday morning (at work, blech!!!), I've been feeling pretty good this week. I'm definitely improving. Sure, I'm still tired, and extremely nauseous if I don't eat regularly, but the extent to which I experience these things is less and less... a relief.

We are still anxiously awaiting the second trimester- I'm tired of being secretive at work. My coworkers often ask me if I'm feeling ok lately... gee, the exhaustion LOOKS that bad? I've also been somewhat reluctant to work beyond 5pm, so I think the explanation in a few weeks will be a relief for me. We are also planning to tell my extended family at that time, which will be exciting given that I have a cousin just 6 weeks ahead of me.

I don't know if I've gained any weight.. I'm not overly anxious to hit the scale. I know that I did bloat a bit a few weeks ago, but I seem to be holding strong ever since, at least according to my clothes.

We are looking forward to our weekend - the weather should be good on Saturday (unseasonably warm), so I'm hoping for an apple orchard/pumpkin patch excursion. Other than that, hopefully we'll have time to focus on getting the house ready for baby again... Lots to do!!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Wet socks & shoes

I walked Gladys this morning - the usual 20 minute walk outside with a stop at the park for her to run wildly (and gather as many burrs as possible in 8 minutes). That was at 730am, and my socks and shoes are STILL wet (approaching 3pm). Disgusting. I'm sitting in my semi-professional office with bare feet. My poor coworkers.

At least I got some of my exercise for the day out of the way.

Monday, October 1, 2007

The big appointment

Finally, we will be meeting with the midwife this evening circa 5pm, as long as nothing else interferes. We are hoping that we will be able to hear the heartbeat, of course. We are also hoping to feel happy and comfortable there; I guess we'll see.

In other news, we spent the weekend with my mom and her b/f this weekend and had a very nice time. She was so happy to see us now that we're preggers. We had great weather, too, which was very nice for visiting the farmer's market and doing a nature walk. Next weekend, we will not be hosting any company, and I'm hoping that we have time and feel up to heading to an apple orchard, eating donuts etc... No cider for me, unfortunately. Definitely worth it, but still unfortunate.

No big shakes really. We were unable to hear the heartbeat, which is to be expected this early it was explained. Our time with the midwife was spent mostly talking about health history and nutrition during pregnancy. We didn't learn too much we didn't know before today, but it was nice to know that I can still eat chevre, as long as it's pasteurized. Sounds like good news to me. She also recommended fish oil caplets, which make me nervous w/ how nauseous I've been. We're going to check it out though: give it the old college try.

We have another appointment next week, when we will have an actual exam and labs drawn. We're also going to try again for the heartbeat.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Oh, I see, we just switched

Out with the old, in with the new.

Well, most of the old symptoms are coming back, nausea rearing its head every so often as well as fatigue. However, we are graced now with tears! Over what? Well in the last 24 hours:

1. Lack of symptoms
2. News that it is ok to have decreased symptoms
3. Going home after work to rest while I pick up the dog from daycare
4. Going out to eat
5. Green olives
6. Shrimp tails
7. Hummus
8. Finding water glass
9. Lack of groceries

Since I don't work with S I'm probably missing out on a few as we speak! Fun fun! Welcome, old and new symptoms! I better go buy some tissues for the new one!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Where did it all go?

So our morning started out with a little bit of a scare. S has had a few pretty good days as far as symptoms go. Yesterday, we passed the 8-week mark. Today starts week 9 (don't quote me on this because I can't seem to wrap my head around what week we are in or what week we are).

S woke up this morning realizing that for the first time in a week she hasn't had to get up in the middle of the night to eat to keep nausea at bay. Alarmed by the sudden decrease in symptoms she started to analyze all remaining and previous symptoms. Here is the low-down:

Then - Painfully sensitive
Now - Slightly tender

Then - Constant
Now - Only every 60-90 min with dramatic decrease in intensity>

Then - Like hitting a brick wall
Now - A little tired

Then - Nothing sounds good
Now - Can stomach just about everything (aside from what I am eating)

This sent S into a bit of a panic (especially after Dr. Google said a decrease in morning symptoms could be a sign of miscarriage), which in turn sent me into a little tizzy. I called the NPs office, as we don't really have an OB or Midwife (the MBC is closed till 1 pm on Thursdays). The triage nurse's response to me giving the list of changes was priceless.

Nurse: "That is great!”
Me: "Um, I said she HAD morning sickness and symptoms and now they are disappearing."
Nurse: "Yeah, that is good. Her body is getting used to being pregnant."
Me: " but we are only 8 weeks."
Nurse: "Yeah, some people see improvement during weeks 8 and 10. She will have some more bad days though."
Me: "So we should stop freaking out?"
Nurse: "Yes, we only worry if she has cramping and/or bleeding."
Me: "Phew, I'll call her now and tell her."

I call S and tell her the above story. She cries out of relief.

So there you have it, our first major panic about the pregnancy.

What this has done though is convince us to keep our original appointment with the OB for Oct. 5. Since the MBC seems to be closed and/or not able to make our first appointment we would like to see our other option. Not that this means we will not stay with the MBC (we assume they become more accessible after the first appointment considering they will likely give us a contact number for after hour concerns). So there you have it, we may go back to medical. The good thing is we may be able to see the NP and office staff while we are at the OB's office (same office really). We haven't seen them since we got pregnant. We may even be able to see the tot on Oct. 5 (see we aren't anti-ultrasound).

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Get a load of that Tot!

Do you see that picture on the right? I know it's not an ACTUAL photo, but our baby is so cute! It's also starting to look more like a baby, according to our ticker over there. Wow! According to our sources, Tot is now able to fit inside of a peanut shell; our little peanut. S/he is growing so fast!

We're starting to accumulate some things. This weekend, we found an excellent deal on a crib and dresser (matching) on crai.g's l*st. We're going to pick it up tonight. We also used crai.g's l*st to sell our treadmill for the same amount we bought the new furniture. It's like it was free!

My symptoms may be easing up a litle bit. I think I'm finally getting the diet right: lots of yogurt, grapefruit juice, beans and a protein bar fortified w/ iron. I'm still dead tired at night, but the nausea creeps up just every 60-90 minutes now. Last night, I even had energy to walk Gladys AND make dinner!!!! (then, bed before 9.)

My poor sweet E is working very hard at home. She bears the brunt of getting everything done. I know, of course, that my body is working very hard, but E must make up for the other things I cannot do. I can't be thankful enough for her. She is amazingly patient (and excited) - in spite of being very tired of lunches consisting of tomato soup and a side of refried black beans. Poor, sweet E!! Thank you, E, for being so wonderful and working so hard to keep our lives organized, fed, clean, and ready for weekend company. You are my favorite person in the world today, tomorrow, and forever. I love you.

And it's all for that gorgeous Tot!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Cancelled - Postponed

Our Birth Center had to attend to a home birth this evening (they can't plan those things better?), and they canceled our appointment. Big bummer. We're going to have to wait for another week. Next week Monday is our new first appointment.

First appointment

Today is our first appointment with the Midwife. Now, most of you get an ultrasound during this appointment but not us. The MBC where we are (fingers crossed that there is no need to go medical) giving birth provides all of our pre-natal check ups as well. They do not do ultrasounds. They can order them though so we plan to ask for one around 20 weeks to see what we are having. Otherwise, blood work and "touchy feely" medical input for us only.

Why, go so non-medical? Well, since we had to be so medical for the last 2 years we are looking forward to fewer invasive procedures. This all considering everything is looking "normal" and proceeding, as it "should". We are not against the other forms of giving birth, pre-natal care, or whatever steps others need to take to ensure their pursuit to the same final goal as ours ends with a healthy baby (or two for some of you)!

So, here we go to our first appointment tonight. What happens at this appointment? I don't have a clue, probably many many many questions and "get to know ya" conversations. I am not even sure they will do any blood work. The first appointment is supposed to be 2 hours but we had to split it into two days because we needed an after 5 pm appointment.

Here we go, well at 6 pm!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Friday, September 21, 2007

Finally Friday

This week has been a bit long, and I'm glad we've finally made it to Friday. After a busy day at work, we have plans to focus on the house this weekend (cleaning out the office/nursery for one!!), for the first time since we found out about baby!

In preparation, we went out last night and purchased some fabric. I'm going to attempt several sewing projects including a crib quilt, curtains, pillows and a lap throw. Our colors are light blue and chocolate brown with other creams and tans. We are going to have a (very subtle) letter theme. I use the word "theme" very lightly, meaning we have one fabric with subtle letters on it. The rest are paisley and flourish-y. E is going to work on the art for the room.

We know it's early to purchase things. Since working on this room is something we're doing nearly from scratch, however, we have to get an early start. Neither of us are particularly superstitious; the only worry is that if something did go wrong, we'd have to look at partially finished baby items that we put work into. I think we decided we aren't afraid to forge ahead; we have a lot of belief in this baby sticking around. We're already in our 8th week!!!!!

I'll have to post some fabric pics later on. Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

7 Weeks

Today starts the seventh week of pregnancy. Wow! I can't believe it was three weeks ago today that we saw that famous line on the tests! I was telling S that I'm already ready for the tot (as my dad so affectionately calls the growing fetus)to be big enough for me to feel it. I guess it working as hard and fast as it can. We are reading the Pregnancy Journal which helps us everyday to envision all of the amazing progress our little one is most likely making! I can't wait to read it tonight!

In other news, I know another couple that is graduating to the second trimester this week! Congrats!!! It must be a big relief!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


There, I did it. I achieved my first pregnancy vomit this morning while brushing my teeth. Check that one off the list, and let's hope we just move on to a different symptom.

Monday, September 17, 2007

in the faces of friends (family)

We had a great weekend. S's sister and her clan came to visit us. We went to the farmers market, watched UW pull off a victory against the Citadel, and grilled. The girls Leah (2 years old) and Rachel (6 months) seemed to enjoy it almost as much as rest of us! It is always amazing to me to see our nieces growing up and I can't help but wonder at the things they have learned since we last saw them. Leah is such smart and happy little girl. Content to play with wooden frogs, hide from us, and give us pretend things (including 50 bucks, a million bucks, pizza, and cows)! Rachel smiles and laughs and is inches from crawling. Our house was full of love and life this weekend. It was such a wonderful feeling.

This morning as I sit at my desk at work, dreading another day spent doing the labors of arrogant, egotistical, narcissists I am still full of the love and life spread by our families visit. Some of my favorite Ani DiFranco lyrics comes to mind from her song, Good, Bad, Ugly:

it is good
good to be back home
how I missed this time zone
strangers are exciting
their mystery never ends
but there's nothing like looking at your own history
in the faces of your friends

Granted we are not back home or in our old time zone but home came to us! Thank you to B's clan for such a wonderful visit and for sharing our joy!

To extend the wonderful feeling and love my dad arrived for a visit about 5 hours after B's clan left! He is here till Tuesday and is ecstatic about being a Grandpa to our baby! We are so fortunate to have these wonderful people to remind us of our history and our future by looking into their faces!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Soooooo confused....

Ok, numbers are not my strong point but this is confusing.

1. According to most calcuators from first day of last period, Aug. 2 S is due on May 8.

2. NP told S we would be due May 10.

3. Our journal counts Lunar months and says we are due May 7.

So, S tells me we are starting our 7th week today. The ticker (set for May 10 due date) says we are about to start our 5 weeks 5 days. Our journal says we are starting our 5th lunar week (second month) today. Would some one just help me focus. I think I'm following S's logic (she is the smart one) and I'm changing the ticker to due date of May 7. *****S I hope you don't mind****

So I the only one that doesn't get this?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Not much to report here

I think E and I are starting to believe it. Of course, it's still VERY early. My tiredness quotient has increased exponentially in the last few days. I'm now exhausted all day long - lucky to have a good morning. And, here, it sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not - it's just that the exhaustion is very real. I'll take it, if it means baby... I just wish I could be a bit more productive at work. Other than that, the nausea that creeps up is kept well at bay with a few crackers here and there. Not too bad at all. I do need to avoid Mili.o's sandwiches, though. I'm not the biggest fan anyways... now, seemingly even less so.

Monday, September 10, 2007


Well, our secret is out... apparently my decoy glasses of wine and sudden affinity for "vodka" tonics wasn't particularly convincing. Our first "outing" came from a fellow sneaky pregnant couple. They happen to be pretty good friends of ours, so the fact that they are 2.5 weeks ahead of us is kind of fun. They spotted us b/c they were doing the exact same thing.

I think the best question we got was, "So, you don't really have to tell, but should we be expecting an announcement in 8-10 weeks?" As neither E nor I are particularly good liars, we admitted that an announcement might be on its way.... by the end of the night, we didn't have anyone left to tell. Oh well. the good news is that we had the perfect excuse for heading back to the hotel after the reception, no need to go to the bar. Phew.

So, we are home safe and sound. I think I slept around 10.5 hours last night. That's been my new requirement. Other than quite a bit of tiredness, I'm feeling pretty good as long as I'm able to exercise - something that Gladys demands anyways. Any other symptoms are mild and not worth complaining about. We're just so happy to be as far as we are.

We have our first appt with the midwife on 9/24. We are going to have lots of questions for her (for example, can I have ANY tea at all? All of the books and websites seem to swear off all herbal teas like they are black death.) The birthing center was really neat - we'll leave that for a different post. Suffice it to say for now that we decided to go there rather than the hospital.

As far as our embryo goes, s/he now should have a beating heart. A heart that actually beats! AND it even pumps blood! Wow!!

Friday, September 7, 2007

Outta here

We are heading to Cincinnati for a wedding! Check you all on Monday!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Sesame Seed

Sandra, our baby is a sesame seed. Isn't that CUTE!!!?

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Telling our families we're PREGNANT

Keri asked if telling our families was cute - it definitely went well. We have been very up front with them that we were trying over the last two years as we wanted them to support us when we were successful. Of course, we didn't realize it would take so long, but -for the most part- our famililes have been quite supportive through everything.

E called her dad about five minutes after our positive test, and her brother and sister in law shortly thereafter. We told our friends C&C that morning too. I also told my sister B the morning we found out. I called her a few times and then started calling her husband's phone b/c she didn't answer. When she finally answered his phone, she said, "what's wrong" b/c I'd called so many times. I lost my ear drum when I told her the news; she was so excited.

I did consider not telling my mom right away because she sometimes responds in ways that hurt my feelings, but I certainly didn't give her enough credit this time. I called her on Saturday, and her response was fantastic. She said it worked this time because she's been praying "extra hard" this month for us. News to me that she had been praying (or thinking of us) at all, and it certainly meant a lot to me. She said she was so happy for us over and over again. I told her on her birthday, so I feel good about that too.

We told K&B when they arrived on Friday, and we called my sister P after I told my mom. So, that's it. The cat's out of the bag. We are pregnant and our families all know. Rumor has it other people we know in real life read this blog too. To you - and anyone else in blogland that reads us - I ask that you delurk and leave a comment, so we know you know. We'd love to hear from you!

Monday, September 3, 2007

Labor Day

Everyone is still sleeping here. My sister and her husband are visiting this weekend, and I am the only one up... likely due to the fact that I'm the only one that didn't drink last night. :-) We are having a fantastic weekend, and we are so happy they were able to come this weekend. We've also now told our immediate families, and we even got to tell our weekend guests in person, which was a special treat.

Strangely, E and I aren't too nervous so far. I really thought I'd be much more uptight, waiting for bad news. It hasn't yet been a week and we have a long way to go, but we are feeling very good. I have a few minor symptoms. I am pretty tired, but I am also anxious, which means I'm not sleeping well. I have significant soreness that seems to fluctuate throughout the day, but is getting worse on average. I have some very slight indigestion after eating, but it seems that eating food that is good for me tends to lessen this (note to self: avoid waffle fries and donuts. And, no, I did not eat them at the same time, let alone on the same day.)

Quite frankly, I've never been filled with so much joy. It's so early, we know. We know too, how easy these things can slip away. Still, I think both E and I feel an amazing sense of contentment now; something we've not been able to accomplish before. The world feels like a different place than it did last month - hopeful and peaceful yet exciting with big unknowns. I'm all choked up just thinking about it...

We have our first Dr's appt on 10/5. I was so out of it when I was talking to the NP's office that I didn't even ask what we would be doing there. It seems that heartbeats can be heard at 12 weeks, so we probably won't have that opportunity. It's only a month away, though, so very close! We are also going to take a tour of the birthing center next week or the week after, to look into options other than hospital births. We have a good relationship with our NP's office, but want to investigate our choices and make the best decision for us.

So, that's as far as we've gotten. We bought a few books, and I won't be eating any more of that delicious chevre in our fridge. Thank you all for your wonderful comments and support. Thank you for being there for us.

Have a fantastic holiday if you are in the U.S. and a great Monday if you are elsewhere!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Did yesterday really happen?

What a whirlwind. I couldn't work (not like it is hard to distract me from this place these days), I couldn't form sentences, I couldn't sleep last night, and I feel crazy.

S and I went out for dinner last night. During dinner we were talking about how we both always felt like we would get pregnant but never thought we would see a positive pregnancy test. That doesn't really make sense but we were both feeling/thinking it for the last few months. I think that is why I had to buy three more boxes of tests (all different brands) and test 6 times before I could believe it.

We have let a few people know outside of blogworld but are waiting to tell everyone that doesn't read it here until we are closer to the second trimester. Some family is visiting us in the coming month though so they are being saved for in person notifications!

Now we just need to make sure this little one has staying power...hang in there little one!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Dear Blogland

We would like to extend our apologies for excluding you. We hope you can forgive us, but we have been in a TWW this month and we've never said a thing. I think we just really wanted a quiet month. In fact, we weren't even planning on trying until the very last minute. We did an at-home insem; two vials in one shot b/c it arrived after I felt ovulation sensation.

So to the point of this post, here is how our morning went:

6:00 AM alarm for temp taking (yes, we still do it)
6:03 AM decided to test, after getting another day of high temps
6:06 AM go back to bed and decide to look later
6:07 AM "Um, Sara, I think there is a line" after checking with cell phone light and bedside lamp
6:10 AM Erin went to store and bought three more boxes of HPTs

Guess what they all said: PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have been trying since June of 2005 and have NEVER received a positive. This was an at home insem w/ no drugs.

We're just trying to let it all sink in.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The sky is falling.....

nope just the ceiling of our garage. Our garage is kinda different, it is under a portion of the house and our three season porch. Well, after about 12 days of heavy rains a small leak has caused the garage ceiling to sag, then drip, and then break aprart and fall. I spent a good few hours on Sat. pulling the drywall down and removing the moldy insulation. Now we need to find the leak, seal it and drywall the cieling. But, it is raining again so we may be able to see the leak now that we don't have a ceiling.


Thursday, August 23, 2007

Welcome Bean!

G and J are now holding their little girl! Welcome to the world little bean!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Geek much...guess not

Max's Mommy posted her score for this quiz and I was curious about where I would fall. I felt like I was taking a quiz in another language...looks like I need to up my geek dose.

21% GeekMingle2 - Free Online Dating

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Still here, just quiet

We've not been posting much this week - settling back into our routine and.. our home computer is down. This makes it difficult to jump on for posting, and definitely makes posting pictures impossible. We're taking the thing in to be fixed this weekend. Not sure how long it will take, but we probably won't be posting much of anything in the meantime... we'll be checking on all of you though!!

Monday, August 13, 2007

We're back

We arrived home last night around 9pm, after over 12 hours of packing up and traveling. We had a very nice time at MWMF this year. Our dearest friends had their ceremony, and it was fantastically beautiful! We will be posting pics - to be sure. We discovered a few new bands and reconnected with some old friends all while enjoying the company of our very favorite peeps, who now also happen to be hitched!

It feels good to be home. We are not taking any more trips until Thanksgiving, and I find that a great relief. Don't get me wrong - we still have lots of plans! Just no more trips/vacations other than those for work. I think we're both looking forward to settling in to a laid back fall and anticipating visits from family members and enjoying a routine more conducive to focusing on our babymaking.

We have decided to go natural with our next go around. No drugs, and we're not yet sure that we'll utilize our NP's services. We think we may try next cycle, but are not yet sure. We seem to be growing a bit more uncertain. Hopefully with the craziness settling down, we will be able to see and feel a bit more clearly while regaining some hopeful energy.

We're glad to be back, and look forward to catching up with all of you in the next couple of days!

Friday, August 3, 2007

We're going home

"Home", of course - to those that have been there before - refers to MichiganWomyn's Music Festival. This will be my 4th or 5th time, and this will be Erin's 6th or 7th! (I can't remember.)

We are going to celebrate next week Saturday with our friends C & C, who will be having their ceremony while we are there. Congratulations, ladies!

We are leaving tonight to spend the weekend with family before hitting the woods for nearly 7 days. Have a great week, and we will write and comment when we return! If you're going to be there too, look for the rainbow pinwheel - that's our campsite!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


AF is here, in all her glory.

Knock Knock

S: Who is there? Oh, Aunt Flo.....come on in.

S: Honey, Aunt Flo is here.

E: Didn't she just visit last month? I'm so sick of her just dropping by.

S: Well, she is here now so you better be cordial.

E: Oh, I'll be cordial for sure......

E: Gladys be nice to Flo. No matter how mad you get she isn't going to go away.

No, no and no

No AF.

No AF symptoms.

No BFP but we did get a BFN again.

No BFP symptoms.

No clue.