Saturday, March 31, 2007
Not sure if I'm having any side effects - I do seem tired and my back has been a bit achy... but we've also been eating a bit less (portion control!) and it's suddenly rainy here - weather changes often make me tiredachy (and I'm only 30!!) The big side effect may be a rumbling in my ovaries, but sometimes I'm not sure that it's not just some GI issue....Other than that, the poking is going just fine. E's pretty good at it - she may have missed her calling as a phlebotomist or a shot-giver, or something. (Truly, she's gifted in just so many areas; it'd be hard to pick just one!)
We are looking forward to good news on Monday - I think we are both working to keep our hopes in check as one disappointment after another feels unbearable - we'd rather not fall so hard. Still, I think we have a glimmer, which also feels good for the time being.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Well, S’s E2 came back in the 160s, which is pretty good. They found another follicle in the left ovary that is growing (was about 6mm on Tues and is now 9mm). NP thinks this is what is putting off the E2 and so is upping our dose of FSH from 100 to 150. We are scheduled for an u/s on Monday at 8:30 am. S will have her E2 drawn again and then we sit in the tiny tiny room to wait for results.
Fingers crossed on this one. Hopefully over the weekend S will have some symptoms that ovulation is coming and Monday will show us a beautiful big follicle with lots of E2! Come on God, help us this one…
S's SOs were hiding and so she had to have the u/s twice. What a saint!
Remember if you don't know what something stands for check out our handy dandy glossary on the bottom of the column on the right!
S and I are both not really feeling like today will produce the results for which we are hoping. Perhaps it is the continued disappointment that has bred a completely jaded outlook on all appointments regarding fertility. S doesn’t seem to have any symptoms that ovulation is close and previous follicles and estradiol levels have taken a crap on us just as we started to get hopeful. Just not feeling it this time.
To boot, we are having one heck of a week. The beautiful weather we had last weekend has left us with cold rainy windy grey days. Our neighbor is re roofing their house and start working far to early which, makes Gladys bark (this better not be the case over the weekend). Work is about to give me a complete meltdown. S is frustrated with the business world. And, we are obsessively looking at moving home to be closer to our families. I will be applying to jobs this weekend in MI and S has hardly come up for air from her job searching.
IF ANYONE KNOWS OF ANY JOBS FOR AN MBA OR MSW IN MICHIGAN LET US KNOW!
I mean it we have no shame and will apply to everything! It is a pity that we thought we needed to stay here in Madison to protect our baby (if it ever comes). Now that WI has the same amendment as MI what is the difference. Besides, if we are closer to family when/if someone challenges one of us we have lots of people that will stick up for us near by. Not true here. We have just come to the conclusion that we may have to fight harder in MI to protect our family but we will have the refueling of family members close by to help us to keep moving forward. We just don’t have anything keeping us here in Madison anymore.
Anywho, I will post after the appointment and let ya’ll know what the follie is up to.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
We had a great weekend. The injections are going well. No bruising. I am certainly not the best at sticking people with needles but it'll do.
If I ever feel the inspiration to attempt the old e-mail again I will certainly write it again. Now is definatley not the time.
Enjoy Spring....it is here.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Does anyone have any recommendations when using follistim? Thanks!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
One of my dear friends back in MI has suggested a glossary for those of you not mired in fertility lingo every day of your lives - fair enough! I'm going to start it here, and we will add to it when we think of other things. Those of you who are familiar w/ the jive, feel free to comment and add more. (We don't know what lots of it means either!) Good idea, Kay!
- AF = Aunt Flo, which of course means getting your period.
- ART = Assisted Reproductive Therapy
- BFN = Big F***ing Negative
- BFP = Big F***ing Positive
- CD1 = Cycle Day 1
- Follicles = Eggs not yet released from ovary
- Follies = Lingo for 'follicles'
- FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone. This is the hormone responsible for growing the follicles during the follicular phase of a cycle.
- IF = Infertile or Infertility
- IVF = InvitroFertilization
- IUI = inter uterine insemination, a catheter is inserted through the cervix into the uterus to deposit sperm. Supposedly this increases chances of conception - because the sperm has a much shorter journey.
- Progesterone = hormone that spikes during luteal phase, or second half of a cycle (TWW). This hormone is responsible for all kinds of things, including sustaining an early pregnancy
- TTC = Trying to Conceive
- TWW = Two week wait, specifically the time between ovulation and waiting for the results.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Thankfully, that was not the case. Usually, I'm the only pessimist in the house, but this time we were both wrong. The cyst is gone, and we have a few little residual or budding follies, just like we're supposed to on CD3.
We ordered our FSH injectibles and they are arriving tomorrow, in time for our Friday begin day. No pics of my belly once we start the pokes: I'm not that kind of gal. I am not as nervous about the needle as I am about the bruising - it's worth it, though! Gone are the days of daydreaming of an easy ttc at home within a few months. BRING ON THE DRUGS!!! or, more precisely: BRING ON THE BABY!!!!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
We had a wonderful time in MI - probably the best time we've had there in quite some time. We even spent an extra day w/ E's family as we couldn't bear to leave. It's so nice to be around the people that know and love us best.
I feel refreshed and ready to start again - hopefully for the last time.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Here is a typical day without S for me:
Take care of the dog.
Go to work.
Eat unhealthy lunch after walking the dog.
Go back to work.
Play with the dog.
Clean up the house a bit.
Go to bed too late.
Start all over.
Granted, the things I normally contribute to our schedule and peace are often amiss for S when I’m gone. She is not a big fan of sleeping without me and has trouble getting to sleep. Although, she is the one to get us to bed at a decent time when we are together she often goes to sleep much later than normal when we are apart. I guess we are just better off together.
I’m excited to meet Rachel and see Leah, Betsy, and Paul. I believe I will also get a chance to see the rest of S’s family while we are there. On Sunday we will head over to see my dad, brother, sister-in-law, and niece Maureen. Maureen and her parents just got back from Disney World so I’m sure she will have tons to tell me about meeting all the princesses, Mickey, Tiger, and the Dis crew!
Hopefully the snow that is falling continues to only be scarce flurries and G and I make good time through Chicago!
Happy St. Pat’s!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
- Anxiety, aggitation, irritation, or nervousness - one of these at any given time
- Cravings galore: salt/sweeet/sale/sweet/salt/sweet
I pity anyone that has to spend any significant time with me. At least I don't have any waterworks - I guess it could be worse....
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I miss you baby! I'm looking forward to seeing you and the fam in a couple of days.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Below: Betsy, Paul with daughters Leah & Rachel
Friday, March 9, 2007
Tonight, we'll be watching the MSU v. Wisconsin game. E is going to root for MSU, of course. I'm always up in the air about these things - of course, let's be honest: I couldn't care less. Other than that, we're thinking taking the dog on a nice hike at a near-by state park followed by a weekend of spring cleaning... we're going to use craigslist and freecycle quite a bit, I suspect!
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
- Realize that you are angry, Angry, ANGRY - ... maybe with yourself, maybe with someone you see across the street, maybe with karma, maybe with no one or anything other than infertility.
- Decide to take (at least) an evening to mourn
- Go to happy hour at a restaurant and eat appetizers (1/2 off) for dinner
- Drink 4 glasses of wine (each) at said happy hour
- Come home and drink another glass, or so, of vino while playing Trivial Pursuit
- Start progesterone regimen the next morning (Come on AF!!)
- Go to gym
- Eat like rabbits (I've gained 4 pounds!! in the last two months)
- Try to not resent life in general
- Thank God E and I have eachother,
- Hope that next month is different.
We still have a lot to consider. We're not sure how to move forward. Probably the next step is injectibles.... hopefully whatever we choose, this is the last time we have to make any of these blasted decisions. In the meantime, we are going to continue doing whatever it is that we do while in ttc.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
What MIGHT be holding us up:
*Lack of medications
*Type of medication
*Egg meets sperm moment
What IS holding us up:
Can anyone tell me what IS holding us up? I'm really getting sick of this. When will the NOT column out number the MIGHT column and there no longer be a IS column.
In addition, does anyone know what the Estradiol level requirements are per follicle? We thought it was 150 but S had an ultrasound on CD26 (yesterday) and they found a 20mm follicle but wouldn't do the hCG because Estradiol was only 170. NP says it is probably a cyst.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Hopefully the rest of the news - probably tomorrow - will also be normal.
Friday, March 2, 2007
To start, my work seems to be driving my life and not me driving my work. I am not the type of person that lives to work but the type the works to live the kind of life I want. I am motivated professionally to do well and to excel at what I do. I am nearly to my 3 year anniversary of completing my MSW and am running a nationwide non-profit foundation; pretty good if I do say so myself. This has made it so S could get her MBA and be picky about her job selection. We could buy a house, try for babies, make mortgage, shop, get a dog, travel, and do almost everything we would like due to my income and a few helpful boosts from others. But….it seems as if in the past two months I am feeling eaten by my job.
I have a very ambitious board that dreams much bigger than we are capable of accomplishing with the current program structure. They keep talking about being on Oprah, Ellen, and the View. However, when we were on Dr. Phil 2 years ago we saw the number of applicants to the program dramatically spike. I got over 400 e-mails in 24 hours from people asking about our primary program. Is that bad….well not for the domestic violence survivors we aim to treat but …..we have only had about a 1% increase in volunteers to complete treatment since then. I am running out of volunteers but the amount of survivors applying for care isn’t getting any smaller!!!
I suppose I should walk you all through what is the typical volunteer/board member for me. They own/run million dollar practices. They live in mansions, drive fancy cars, and believe that everything they touch turns to gold. They are the kings/queens of their personal world and treat most people they come in contact with like nimrods. Many actually volunteer for the right reasons but some do it for publicity. The balance is channeling their energy to helping the survivors no matter what their personal intentions are in volunteering. At the rate we are growing I’m going to certainly lose control, potentially at the expense of those we are trying to help. That frightens me.
Last night I admitted to S that some of my current anxiety about where the foundation is going is that I will not have the skills to keep up with the growth. I am worried I will not be able to support where the board is talking about taking us. OR…I will have to work many many more hours just to keep up. The rest of the fear is that going forward too fast will, no matter what my skill level is, will crumble base that we have worked so hard to form. Arrrrrgggghhhhhhh…..
I am worried that if I take this head on with all my might it will end up pulling me away from some of the things that mean the most to me. Time with S, baby making, fighting for social justice, family, Gladys, traveling, friends, sleep……….. S thinks it may be time for me to find a new job. I’m just not quite sure yet.
All of this I can’t figure out for myself, and I expect the egg and sperm to know what to do…I have soooo many more cells than they do…even brain cells….I think….