Monday, March 17, 2008

Life in babyland and beyond

The tears are starting to flow more easily again. Last night, after an exceptionally productive day (I won't bore you with the blow by blow, but we worked from 9am - 10pm and even fit in a visit to the Y.MCA and brunch with friends!) I cried when I dropped my Sp.lenda-sweetened ice cream in the floor. I also cried for a while in the wee hours when I couldn't sleep after trying for so long.

Today, I've held back tears (while at work) when realizing it was a bagel or no lunch at all (I split the difference and had a half). I nearly cried after sitting in a meeting for nearly 2 hours (pure discomfort), and I nearly cried again just now after learning that a project that I've been (unsuccessfully and not b/c of me) managing for months is still about to blow up in my face.

My hormones must be raging, and I hope that they calm back down here soon. I'm tired. Work has me in a tizzy and we're leaving on Thursday morning to head to MI for our baby shower. That means 6+ hours of driving each way, 2 hours between locales, and not being in control of my food (which even under normal circumstances can be a big stressor for me. Not so secret: I'm a control freak when it comes to food, especially if other things are out of whack, like baby sugars or something.) It will be nice to see everyone, but it will also be exhausting. We are leaving G with her FDSF (favorite dog sitter forever), so she's one less thing to worry about.

I just re-read that last paragraph and grew extremely exhausted.

I am looking forward to some aspects of the trip to MI. I miss two of my sisters immensely. At times, I feel sick about being so far from them. The terrible winter and the pregnancy have only intensified my feelings of isolation from my dearest peeps, and I'm looking forward to being in their company. They accept or call me out on my neuroticisms (whichever most appropriate, of course), and they make me laugh like crazy. Double bonus: they think I'm hilarious too. They love E, and when we're all together I do feel home.... (What, you think I may be romanticizing this a bit?) We are also going to have a chance to see E's family. Her brother and sister-in-law are having Baby #2 next week Tuesday, so we will see them just before baby comes. And, of course, we will be staying with her dad for a night, which is always a peaceful retreat that allows us both to feel connected, grounded and supported.

So, life is crazy this week. Work is crazy and I don't know how I can get it all done. Home will be a bit less crazy but work has a crazy way of thrusting its crazy into home too. We also have to pack and ready the house for the FDSF.

Why am I still talking? I'm making myself dizzy; I can't imagine how you must feel after reading this!

13 comments:

Lizzie said...

Hang in there!! Maybe you can pack a big cooler for your trip full of foods you CAN eat. It would be one more thing to do before you leave (groan) but might make the whole trip more pleasant/less stressful? Or call your sisters and ask them if they can buy a certain snack or something that is a healthy option for you, just to have it on hand?? Good luck!

E, M, and the Little Man said...

Whew...that did make me feel tired - especially imagining the 3rd trimester me. Sorry. Hope you're able to relax more when you get back from MI.

J said...

Have a safe trip home! At least the snow is melting here. You should have pretty nice weather. =)

twomomsarebetterthanone said...

this reminded me just how hard pregnancy is! hang in there...one day you'll forget what it's like to be pregnant.

enjoy the shower!

E and M, jumpingoutoftrees said...

I totally get the tears. I cried like a little girl in my office last Friday. I just wanted to go home. Then I turned my tears into pure rage...hormones are quite the ride...
E-

Alissa said...

Deep breaths and don't be afraid to ask for help!

kwillmetta said...

What is it you always told me? It's just your job, not your life but how you fund your life. BIG breath.

What do you need? I'll hit Meijers before I get to the shower if you like. All you have to do is ask.

Mrs. Bluemont said...

It's ok hun! I'm sorry it's hard right now. I'm sure the trip to family will make these better. Take a book on tape for the car ride and pack lots of your own snacks. I'm a big food control freak and totally understand the anxiety of not eating your own food. Have a great time and enjoy such a wonderful family!

Poltzie said...

I would say (based on the way I feel) that this is totally normal I cry at everyting now too!

bleu said...

Just sending love.

Stacey said...

i just read ur blog.... how exciting for you both... i know u must be uncomfortable right now, just hang in there!!! you are so lucky!!!

E, M, and the Little Man said...

Hey, you must have some cute belly bump pics right now?? hmm??

ohchicken said...

i feel like you and i have matching hormones!