Tuesday, January 16, 2007

It's hard, hard, hard

E's dad left this morning. What a great visit it was. We laughed and talked and hung out. We drank wine, ate out, and played darts in the basement. It was the perfect weekend.

Perfect weekends always end in disappointment because they have to come to an end. We live 6 hours from our families, and we are going through a ton of shit right now. It's hard to be so far away.... our support systems seem so small- and then they have to drive away.

Whenever I return from MI, or some of my family comes to Madison, I mourn for days afterward. I mourn that I cannot drop by for tea at Sister B's or that Sister K can't run errands with me. I feel sad and lonelier than I did before we even spent time together.

I suspect this is how E is feeling... We've got so much crap going on, and everything is so out of our control. We are both feeling like no one really cares enough - then again, I don't know that we're just not projecting our feelings of being out of control and extreme frustration on to the people that do love us and support us.

I think that we are going to have to move back to MI when the opportunity arises.... unless life gives us lemonade from here on out and we never have to go through something crappy again. This is hard, hard, hard. This may be one of the hardest things I've ever done, and it's certainly the hardest thing that E and I have had to deal with in our relationship. We are doing it together, and I know we're strong; we just don't always feel that way. We have so much love... I just wish that our love translated into a baby.

1 comment:

sandra said...

It will, eventually! You guys (er, gals) are going to be amazing moms, and it WILL happen.

Geez, how annoying is it to hear people say that and then think, "um...but why not now, and why do we have to go through all of this first?"