I have noticed a huge spike in my anxiety over the last week. My thoughts include:
- I am worried the baby is getting smaller b/c I don't feel like I look any bigger (lost another pound this week.)
- I have frequent flashes of worry throughout the day that something is wrong with him. My anxiety is calmed once I feel him move, which usually takes only a moment or two, certainly never than a minute or two... and that will keep me going for a while until 3o minutes later when I begin to worry again...
Today's midwife assured me that I'm measuring fine (35 weeks, which doesn't help my worries about him shrinking, but she says that as he settles into the pelvis, we might not see much more growth from our end...). She also suggested that I'm more anxiety-ridden of late because he's becoming more real. How'd she get into my head??! :-)
I think she's right... I'm not willing to dismiss my worries as ridiculous - as E says, we can indulge them each and every time - however, my other increasingly obsessive thoughts are those of Life As I Once Knew It (LAIOKI.) I'm constantly daydreaming about going back to LAIOKI. From daily types of activities to less frequent things. The other day, I actually thought about laying on my stomach, as in, at that moment I nearly laid down on the bed face down... I think I'm just beginning to feel the end. Obviously, life will never be as I/we once knew it. It's too late for that. This is what we wanted. This is what we've been working towards for three years, but I am having a hard time digesting the fact that we're here. We're almost there. We're having a baby and we're going to be parents. I can't believe it, and although I'm excited, I have no idea how to handle it.