No REAL news

We haven't tested again, and are still in between assuming the BFN is true and seeing that AF has yet to appear, which she should today (or yesterday) sometime if history dictates... Here's some "interesting" facts about this cycle, which have caused us to hold out more hope than we would normally:

• Initially, I had a bad feeling b/c of low soreness and a very low temp rise. I mean VERY low, around .4 degrees; whereas normally my first two weeks hover between 96.8 - 97.3 and my spike is somewhere in the range of 97.8 and 98.1, about a degree difference.
• Low, low, low temps... and then on Sunday morning: SPIKE with a bunch of soreness

Erin did some research and found that FF showed something called a triphasic cycle, which appeared (presumably) after implantation. So, yesterday, we were riding high between the temps, soreness and lack of AF... since AF is usually here by now, let alone showing signs of appearing.

This morning, however, my spike lessened... it's still higher than I was for the 9 or 10 days preceding this most recent spike, but... FF didn't think it was anything special, that's for sure. (Not that she's always right!!) Still no signs of AF, and in spite of what our widget says, tomorrow is 14dpo, we think...

Anyone care to weigh in?

p.s. we need to add it to our glossary, but FF refers to Fe.rtility Fr.iend, which is an online program designed to help us track all of the dozens of things we track every month (meds, temps and much MUCH more.)

11 dpo

BFN

War has commenced, and so far we are satisfied w/ our progress... it is a gory undertaking, but hopefully we will have enough success that future wars will not be necessary. I will spare the details, let us just say that many beetles now rest in peace. Good point, E & M, we may be attracting neighborhood pests...we may have to change strategies. Any other suggestions out there?

Our TWW is going by rather quickly, for some reason - I'm guessing it's the insane schedule we never cease to keep. We were quite disappointed with our BFN, but hope has not yet exited the building; however, she is on her way out. AF should be here tomorrow if history will be repeating itself.

This week promises to keep us entertained.

• Tonight E has a commitment, and I will be spending the evening finishing my quilt for my class on Wednesday.
• Tuesday will be more of the same in addition to some laundry in anticipation for our big trip.
• Wednesday, I will be spending some time with some new work friends (bad timing for me, but so important to form good relationships with coworkers) while Erin packs the car.
• Thursday night, E has kickball (the most ridiculous game on earth), and I believe Angiebabe will be coming over to give me a cut and color. (Everyone should have an Angiebabe, she is the BEST we've ever had!)
• Friday we leave for MICHIGAN!

We are spending Friday night at E's dad's house. He will be taking care of Gladys while we are at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival where our dearest friends are getting hitched. Before we head out, we will also have a chance to see one of my sisters and her family. Yes, it's action packed, but it will be a fantastic week!

murder in the garden

In general, I prefer gardening without pesticides or commercial fertilizers, even on our annual flowers. In my opinion, sometimes to E's dismay, I would rather let things get a little brown here and there or grow amongst a few extra weeds etc... than contaminate our yard where we and our dog spend a good deal of time.

All of that has changed - at least with respect to this one foul creature that is killing our beautiful tree in the front yard along with my new rose garden and my basil (we can't go without pesto sauce for long!) I now have a nemesis. If it is not possible for me to win and remain 100% chemical free, so be it. Catnip repels them, so I put it near the vegetables. Other than that, I am going after them AND their grubby little children. (They lay their eggs in the grass, which hatch and become grubs.)

I have never felt this murderous rage toward any other pest. Even hornets make me just want to get away. These gem-colored beasts, though....are nothing but destructive to everything I love (besides my people and my pets).

• Milky spore to kill the grubs - CHECK
• Traps to lure the adults away from the tree and into the bag - CHECK
• poof spray to kill them and keep them off the tree and rose bushes - CHECK

It will take 1 - 5 years to get them under control. 1 to 5 YEARS!!! They eat over 300 kinds of plants. 300!!! I hate them!!! We've declared WAR!!!

Tagged!

Thanks Holly for tagging us. I think this will be a fantastic distraction!
Here are the rules: Let others know who tagged you.Players start with 8 random facts about themselves. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts. Players should tag 8 other people and tell them they’ve been tagged.

1. When we first met, I chased E relentlessly. Oh, except that I kept telling her I was straight. For some reason, she was a bit confused by the messages she was receiving - I kept telling our mutual friends I was interested, and I kept telling her I was straight. Obviously, truth won out and here we are, over 6 years later!

2. E and I first exchanged "I love you" strangely and over the course of several weeks. I first said it to her after 2 months of dating. We, of course, had been drinking. We were walking in the woods with some friends (at Michigan Womyn's Festival!) and I said, "don't say anything, but I love you!!" I didn't want her to say it b/c I had, or stumble and hurt my feelings. So, a few weeks later, Erin cooked me vegetarian lasagna at my apartment. While we were out for a cigarette (we're ex-smokers now), she said "I'm 99.9% sure I love you too."

3. Erin knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me in 2003. We'd been living together for 6-ish months and took a huge trip to CA. We were in the rental car in the Sequoia National Forest, just having completed a hike through a cave. We had lots yet to see, so I was making peanut butter & jelly on my lap in the front seat as we drove away. Erin says she knew I was the one b/c she could imagine our kids in the backseat waiting for their pb&j's.

3.b. I fall in love with Erin again every time I think of that story.

4. Erin and I had a 2-year discussion about how to have children. To this day, I feel so very selfish, but she has forgiven me over and over again as I am unable to change my heart. She is an amazingly generous woman, especially when it comes to me - and everyone else around her. Erin wanted to carry a child, and so did I. Many women figure this out by agreeing to both carry. I, however, am so afraid of not bonding with both children equally, that I was/am unable to agree to that. I had a lot of trouble admitting it as I knew it was selfish, but I felt that I couldn't knowingly bring children into this world if I might not love them equally. We had many painful conversations in which we came to the understanding that I would carry both of the children we plan on having.

4.b. We've been trying for over 2 years, and the feelings I mention above are still true. I still wince every time I talk about how I feel, and I wish I could change it.

4.c. I've never met anyone else who feels this way.

5. We are 100% believers in 5 year plans. Ours helped us stay on track to do accomplish many things over the last few years:

• We quit smoking
• I finished my undergrad degree - it's true, I couldn't get my sh*t together enough to finish the piddly few credits I had remaining until I was with E!
• E started and finished her MSW
• We moved out of Michigan
• We bought our first car together
• We bought our first house
• We got a dog
• I started and finished my MBA

6. Our current 5-year plan is expired and we are stuck on the last thing we wanted to have by now: our first child. We talked just the other day about a 2-year plan, so that's something.

7. We are (usually) planning to move back to Michigan after we have kids. E and I are both very close to our families. We count ourselves extremely fortunate- though neither family is perfect, they all love us (both of us) VERY much. We love them too, and often long to be closer to them. Being so far away is often very painful, particularly for me. We need to stay here where the law/judges are more likely to allow us both to be legal parents. Once we've gone through the legal stuff, we want to go home (even though we LOVE it here too!)

8. Every year that goes by, I am more and more in love with this wonderful woman. She has helped me be the best me I can be. She loves me unconditionally while also holding me accountable. No one in this world has ever, or will ever, love me more than she. No one could ever love her more than I do. I look forward to our future with her - we have so much to look forward to.

Ok, I'm tagging eek & SW, Vee & Jay, e., mammamia, Maebe & True, cd & sp, g & j, and E & M.

The balance of pessimism and optimism

Just moving along down the path of TWW was a pessimistic wife! She is the pessimist (eternally) and I am an optimist (eternally). I ALWAYS think, "THIS IS THE ONE!" She always thinks we were a minute and a half off on timing, symptoms are slight, and the earth’s celestial sphere is 1 degree off. We have learned to cope with each other’s extreme and somehow end up meeting in the middle with a statement of "I guess we'll just have to wait and see" or "you never know". These statements accommodate and allow both ends of the teeter-totter to be validated while agreeing that we could be wrong.

It is always funny when we talk about whom we thought we would end up with and that vision never really describes the one we are with. Sara thought she would be with a man. Now I am tough (grrr), handy, and prefer to be the driver but I ain't no man! I thought I would end up with a sporty extroverted free spirit. I ended up with an introverted homebody that is just learning to enjoy sports. Go figure! Thank god I got this nerd. She is the best thing that ever happened to me!

Am I a pessimist?

I'm just not feeling it. I felt like we had so many good cycles month after month when we weren't trying. Now, that we went through and did the injectibles, things feel all messed up again. Here's the evidence:

• My temp has yet to really spike. It inched upward a tiny bit, but it did so the morning we did our first insem... was the Friday one even worth doing? Not only that, but in prior months, I spiked right away and big.
• No other telltale pg signs until today, and only mildly so (soreness to be exact.) Erin believes that I usually feel it about 4dpo.. today is 5dpo

Why do the months we try seem to go haywire? I'm still crossing my fingers for a miracle, but if this time doesn't work, I want a 100% natural try next time around.

Traveling Time

GO SPERM, GO! It is out of our hands and there is nothing our NP can do from here. Now we just need our swimmers to work hard and make the baby!

In the mean time, we are happy to have our first weekend home with no plans since May 4th! So far we think we might go for a bikeride, kayak, go to the farmers market, play with the dog, look for a new job for me, and shop a little! OR we might not do any of that, it is totally up to us!

Have a great weekend. GO SWIMMERS!