It's Taking A Village

2008-09-16T22:24:00.001-04:00

Downright ticked

2008-09-11T12:26:00.001-04:00

I’m offended. I’m outraged. I’m totally miffed about the current topics in the presidential campaign.

Is it about the economy? Is it about foreign relations and rebuilding the image of America to the world? Is it about health care for children and the uninsured? Is it about rebuilding our failing educational system? Is it about creating true energy independence? Is it about taking care of the world around us so that our children actually have a world to worry about?

NO. At least not in most of the media stories I see or the conversations I have hear/have regarding the candidates.

It is about gender. Excuse me? This is the president and vice president of the United States of America, not Mr. and Mrs. America.

Should Joe Biden focus on the total lack of experience Sarah Palin brings to the ticket? Does he have to be careful not to seem to attack a woman during a debate? Can Barak Obama not use a known statement (putting lipstick on a pig) originally used by John McCain about Hillary Clinton’s policies about John McCain’s proposed programs without being seen a being sexist?

The “coldest state, hottest governor” buttons are sexist not calling a VP candidate out about her blatant lies. Focusing on her being a mom and worrying about her ability to govern with a small child is sexist. Thinking I would vote for a Pro Life, aerial hunting, ANWR drilling, abstinence only touting, right wing nut just because she is a woman is insulting to my, (and every woman’s) intelligence. She is defiantly not a substitute for Hillary Clinton.

I am angry that just because she is a woman we have to focus on treating her like she is running for Miss Wasilla again instead of the Vice President of the United States of America. Do you think that President Ahmadinejad will hold back during a debate with her on nuclear proliferation? Do you think Kim Jong-il will agree to sanctions for fear of offending her as a woman? She has to be able to answer the hard questions anyone would ask of a candidate for vice president, especially one backing up a man two years away from the average lifespan of his gender.

People were perfectly comfortable asking Barak why he is qualified without it being about the color of his skin. He isn’t focusing on his race but on his ambition to make this country strong from homeland policies to foreign policies, from citizens of the US to global partnerships, from taking care of our economy with tax cuts to the middleclass to holding corporations accountable for their practices.

I will not get distracted by the right wing Swift boat politics. I want the hard questions to be asked of ANYONE looking to lead this country, both sides. It is time for this country to change and the only way we can make the change is if everyday citizens (workers, mothers, students, CEOs, teachers, social workers, doctors, lawyers, physicists, bankers, and so on) ask the hard questions, demand clarifications, and hold the politicians feet to the fire.

Do not be distracted from the mission; bring back the America that values all of us, not the one that works to divide us. Do not make decisions based on fear. Do not vote without ever asking what, why, and how. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Please vote but vote smart.

Case in Point

2008-09-10T11:49:00.003-04:00

I just broke down like a blithering idiot to a perfect stranger about everything. I should be embarrassed, but I hope that I'm actually doing some healing. (Healing always requires tears for me.)

Finally, a little productivity

2008-09-08T22:55:00.002-04:00

Yes, this weekend we finally managed a bit of productivity. In fact, one might say we're starting - JUST - to get the hang of this family/working/kid/daycare/dog-walking/keeping-our-life-together thing.

We're certainly not pros, but this weekend we found time to exercise the dog, run errands, relax AND waterproof the deck. Two nights in a row we've made lunches. I nearly got to work on time this morning after having myself a little run/walk with A and the dog on top of the usual morning duties. Tomorrow will prove to be a bit more challenging as I have an off-site and need to be early, requiring hands off the snooze button in the morning.

It finally feels like we've got our heads above the water.

This is what we bargained for. This is what we wanted. One thing I've not had time yet to blog about is just how our start to family life has left me feeling wounded and a bit bitter. I still cry every day. Not always a lot, but every day I get choked up at least for a minute.

Several folks have offered their admiration when they find out how I pumped so that our son could eventually be exclusively breastfed. They don't know that I have to. I need him to only drink 100% mother's milk because we missed out on so much for the first three months. I NEED something to be like I planned. I also don't want him out of our bed yet, even though we agreed. Even though E is ready to have her bed back. I want to snuggle him all day (which I can't do b/c I have to contribute to our mortgage) and all night. I never want to be away from him, and I want that time back. I want a do-over. I'm still pissed that it had to happen to us. I still feel like I was given more than I could handle. I still feel desperate sometimes, and I feel cheated.

I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I've had my struggles in life. My parents had a nasty divorce. I struggled with depression. My dad passed away when I was 21. Infertility and the complete lack of control it brought. None of those things compares to the pain I experienced with A's intestinal issues. One flash of a memory of those first days, and I am on the verge of losing it. I'm not healed from what we went through, even though he is a strong boy who came through it with flying colors. He seems no worse for wear because he is an amazing and resilient boy. But me? I'm scarred. I don't know if I'll ever be the same.

Well, that's not what I sat down to write... and really, in some ways that's only the tip of the iceberg. I know our story has a happy ending. I know we are far more fortunate than many. I know my A is OK. He laughs, rolls over, gives kisses, and coos all the time. He's a wonderfully amazing little boy who has blessed me beyond all of my expectations. I hope I never, ever, have to live through that kind of fear again. So, I guess feeling like we're getting some control over life is a pretty big accomplishment. It really was a good weekend.

We made it to Friday

2008-09-05T09:44:00.002-04:00

I admit it: I've had a really hard week. It was a short week, but this one's been a bugger for me. I'm just not adjusting well to our new life. I hate that I have to leave my son at daycare. I have a lot of frustration at my job. I wish that we were closer to family. Throw in A's 4 month shots, and it's a recipe for tears and stress. Poor E, yesterday she was fielding teary calls from me, and picking up A from daycare because he was so crabby. I'm glad it's Friday.

A's 4 month check up did go well though. He's jumped up on the growth curve. He was hovering in the 10-15 percentiles for all of his measurements, but now that he eats all breast milk all of the time, he's jumped up to the 20-25 percentiles. So big!! Nothing else noteworthy, which is also a good thing.

So, here's to hoping that we have a relaxing and productive weekend. I need a mental break from work, and I need to get organized around the house. E would probably second that motion so that I'm not such a crazy person next week.

Weekend in Review

2008-09-02T10:29:00.002-04:00

First of all I'd like to say that I love our minivan. We had my sister K and her husband B in town all weekend, and we could take one vehicle everywhere! Nice little bonus with the van. Seriously though, it is working out well for the entire family. I am nearly looking forward to our first big trip in it: it will be so comfortable!

We had a very nice weekend with our guests. Unfortunately, E wasn't feeling particularly well (and in fact is at home this morning still trying to recover.) She has a bit of a stomache bug. Hopefully she will be nearly back to 100% by tomorrow as I have to travel for work during the day and she may end up having A by herself for a while.

We always have a nice time with K&B. They bring their big neufoundland who wants to play with Gladys. Gladys, in turn, wants to ignore Olive. It's not the best system, but somehow they work it out so that both dogs end up having a nice time. I also dragged K to a cloth diaper store where we bought more covers. I loved every second of it. Now, we have enough covers to get us through the weeks at daycare. We have lots of fun covers too, which make A's little cloth diaper butt even cuter!

We don't have any guests coming any time soon. We are going to use our weekends to get the house more in order. We have lots of little projects that need attention, things that we had planned on focusing on this summer. Now that medical emergencies are behind us, we can focus on our family life for a little while. I. can't. wait.

My candidate

2008-08-29T09:14:00.004-04:00

I would have voted for Barack two years ago, but now that we have a family, I don't understand how anyone with kids doesn't yearn for BO's world vision. We can only accomplish as much as we aim to. I am looking forward to leadership that is aiming to make this country a better place, for everyone.

Cousins galore!

2008-08-27T09:21:00.001-04:00

A is going to have another cousin. Another BOY cousin! My sister B just found out it's a boy!!

Mi-chelle my-belle

2008-08-26T14:30:00.004-04:00

Amen sister! Watch Michelle Obama's speech from the Democratic National Convention.

The photo

2008-08-22T12:36:00.008-04:00

This photo was supposed to be posted with the conception anniversary post. Thank you vee and jay for the lovely shirt!

and another one of his cool t-shirts!

lifelong Democrats!

and now just a cute close-up!

Minivan Driving Mamas

2008-08-21T13:16:00.006-04:00

We bought it! A will have his first ride in it this afternoon when I pick him up from daycare. Daycare, by the way is going relatively well. We are still tweaking the schedule, but A seems happy. He has played the maracas, made a sign w/ his hand prints, and made a friend, Sh. They smile at one another and make faces during tummy time. Cute! Honestly, I still don't like it, but we're adjusting.

Sorry posts are so short, few, and far between... we're trying to get into a rhythm around here and have been consumed w/ the vehicle search/coping w/ only one vehicle and lots of places to go. Hopefully we can get into a rut for a little bit. It'd be a nice change!

1st day of daycare and a broken power cord

2008-08-18T10:34:00.003-04:00

Yup. We dropped A at 8am. I cried. And cried. And cried. E is picking him at 2pm today, and we are going to attempt an alternative schedule starting tomorrow. I hope he's happy there. I can't think about it too much b/c I also need to be able to work today.

I wanted to update that last post w/ a great pic made possible by Vee & Jay. HOWEVER, our home power cord went out and I couldn't update. So, once that's fixed more pictures will be posted.

Mondays....

One year ago today

2008-08-16T19:05:00.003-04:00

my beautiful A was finally conceived.

We'd been trying for over two years, nary a glimmer of success. We winged it that month. Fertility signs were on the high side and we decided to forego the drugs, order Bernard as we called our swimmers, and go for it. The morning they were to arrive, E missed meeting Fed Ex. At work, I felt my ovaries go. I called E, panicked. We rushed to Fed Ex, picked up our swimmers and did the deed at 2:30 in the afternoon.

That day, the most wonderful being was created, and we didn't even know it yet.

Giggles

2008-08-12T22:07:00.003-04:00

Another countdown begins

2008-08-11T17:23:00.002-04:00

Grandpa leaves in one week... that means A starts daycare in one week. Wow. I'm nervous.

I think we will probably appreciate getting into and being able to stay in a routine. I'm sure that he'll eventually really like going to "school". Still, in one week, our four month old peanut goes to day care. I wish we had more options.

Keepin on

2008-08-08T12:41:00.003-04:00

Quite the lively conversation in the comments from our last post! Erin thought we should probably start burning coal in the back yard, at least until we get the minivan squared away. I think we should burn old tires instead. Thoughts?

Sorry for the lack of posts. We're chugging along here at the Village, just kind of busy. Grandpa is here, hanging out with A all day long. They read stories, do tummy time, sit in the Bum.bo and walk Gladys. I'm not sure who is having more fun! I'm back at work, and our lives are starting to feel - dare I say it? - normal! Going back to work hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. I would still rather be with A, but I like working too.

On the minivan front, I think we're probably going to go shopping next weekend. This weekend, we decided, spur of the moment, to put a bunch of stuff we don't want in the front yard and see if anyone will buy it a la "yard sale". We're not putting much work into it, just enough to sell some clothes, barstools and a few other things. Come on big money!

I really am enjoying the idea of a relatively drama-free life for a few months. We are looking for homeostasis, and I think we're approaching some semblence of balance. We've got some kinks to work out, like a bed time schedule and getting prepared the night before, but we're getting there. I'm just so happy to be worrying about these sorts of issues. Speaking of which, A keeps leaking out of his cloth diapers. Tips? Tricks? Info? Resources?

Firetrucks and cloth diapers

2008-08-03T23:03:00.003-04:00

Friday morning, E ran our run-around-the-town car into a firetruck responding to an emergency. She was ok, just lost our entire front end of our nearly classic H.onda Acc.ord (1992.) Thankfully, the insurance company let us make our late payment as we were making the insurance claim. (Still not sure how I overlooked that bill, but I guess we've had a bit going on over here.) Crisis averted!

So, Saturday, we decided to pre-shop for a minivan. We don't know that we're going to be buying a vehicle, and we sure didn't plan on spending that money at this point, but if the old car is going to be totaled.... so, we test drove some real family vehicles. Wow! Nothing says "cool 30-somethings" like a 2004 minivan. Definitely not "cool" in terms of image, but wow are those things functional!! Lots of space for people AND things. Gladys could lay on the floor! We would have room to grow our family (god willing.) So, we'll see what the insurance company says about the other car, but we may end up w/ a minivan yet this year.

In other news, we finally got around to enacting, albeit only partially, our cloth diapering plan for A. We spent most of today changing cloth rather than disposable. It felt good to be using something theoretically a bit more sustainable, but mostly it felt right to be doing something that we ACTUALLY PLANNED for A.

Progressing nicely

2008-08-01T11:18:00.001-04:00

A is doing wonderful. The first day home, Wed, he was severely cranky and what seemed to be uncomfortable. He was straining do to gas and bowel movements. He was sent home on Re*glan to encourage his bowels to open up and flow. Well, we took him off of it and he is now a happy content pooping smiling baby. We both just felt like the drug was not necessary AND upsetting him. So far it proves to be the right decision.

S’s mom and grandmother are here until tonight and have been a great support and wonderful company. A’s great grandmother held him the entire day yesterday as S and her mom worked to get the house back in order after a wild and busy month. Thanks C and D!

My dad will be retuning on Sunday so A can have a few more weeks of recovery before starting daycare. Family is great!

Home

2008-07-30T17:03:00.000-04:00

yup, we're home.

Hospital: Tuesday - Update

2008-07-29T21:56:00.003-04:00

Rumor has it that we'll be heading home tomorrow!!!!!

Hospital: Tuesday

2008-07-29T10:48:00.002-04:00

A is now off of his IV. We are still working on feedings. He is progressing much more slowly than anyone had anticipated, but he's progressing and that is what we are happy about. Of course, we are rarin' to get out of here. I think tomorrow is overly optimistic, but hopefully on Thursday we'll be headed home. That may be optimistic too, I don't know.

In better news, A laughed for the first time. He laughed at Mutti. She was the most hilarious thing he'd ever seen. Of course, he was the best thing WE'D ever seen. It was fantastic!

Hospital: Sunday - Still slow and steady

2008-07-27T10:47:00.003-04:00

A is doing quite well. This morning, the surgeon decided to up his feeds to 2 oz every two hours. The hope is that he tolerates them well and that we can go to ad lib feedings tomorrow (eating whatever he wants when he wants) as that will require more volume tolerance.

So, we know we aren't leaving here anytime before Tuesday. E probably has to go back to work before then, but I am staying out on leave until we go home. Grandpa is leaving today and Grandma (my mom) is coming this evening. Gladys misses us terribly and we're tired of sleeping on the worst couch EVER. Plus, A is getting kind of bored. Unfortunately, he's still hooked to an IV, so we can't do too much about the boredome.

Obviously, since I have the mental capacity to complain about these sorts of things,
A is healing well. We spend our days passing him back and forth for cuddles, singing songs, staring at his mobile (brought from home), and reading poetry books. A is ready for a change of scenery, but the days actually pass quickly, especially now that we feed him every 2 hours (which means we change his diapers every two hours too!)

Thank you again for all of your good hopes and thoughts. We are very fortunate to have such wonderful virtual friends.

Hospital: Friday - Slow & Steady wins the race

2008-07-25T18:14:00.002-04:00

We've had another up and down day. The day started off with a nice big poop and the removal of the nose tube. That was followed up by some green throw up (felt like a major setback.) The surgery team did not put the tube back in, though. Instead, we received word around 4pm that A was allowed to EAT!! Not much, but an ounce every 2 hours is significantly more than he has eaten in 5 days!!!!

We'll see what tomorrow brings. One day (one step even) at a time. We are making progress with ups and downs along the way. Slow and steady wins the race though, and A is an absolute super star!

Hospital: Thursday #2- I think we'll call this progress

2008-07-24T21:38:00.002-04:00

A had a real live poop today. Apparently, the previous ones were not what we were looking for, as today he had a nice big one that impressed everyone from the nurses to the nurse practitioner and the surgeon himself! A hates diaper changes (lots of cream for his never-before-pooped-on bottom), but his moms love them when they are full of his very first poops EVER.

We have received word that we will liklely remove the tube from A's nose tomorrow morning. There is an outside chance of feeding tomorrow afternoon (don't get carried away now!) Furthermore, the surgeon believes that rather than starting A back on his special formula (and working up to breastmilk), we will start him back on breastmilk when we move to real food!!!! (He will have to be on pedi.alite first, then a half-strength mix, and then on to the real stuff.) This is particularly uplifting for me, as you all know I've been religiously pumping since A was born. Not sure I'll be able to supply 100%, but at this point I should be kind of close.

So, things feel like they are finally moving. We are hanging in there ok. We had hoped to be further along by now, but the excellent progress today has lifted everyone's spirits. No one is in a rush to put food down, though, b/c the surgeons don't want us to overload A's system and give us a bigger set back. So, good news around here. Thank you for all of your love and support - we needed it (and still do a bit, I'd say. We're not done yet.)

ALSO, HUGE thank you to GRANDPA who is with us for each up and down while also holding down the fort over on D Drive. Gladys is well-walked & loved; the mail is piling up on the counter rather than the doorstep, and - most importantly - Erin and I have the freedom to focus on A and his healing. THANK YOU, Grandpa!!

Hospital: Thursday

2008-07-24T11:28:00.002-04:00

Still no real reports around here. A is getting tired of being hooked up to so many things, but his intestines aren't "waking up" very quickly. He is healthy, just healing very slowly. Our spirits are ok. We are anxious for A to feel better. He just. doesn't. feel. good. And that's hard for his moms.

Hospital: Wednesday

2008-07-23T16:20:00.002-04:00

We're still here, at about the same place we were yesterday, which is frustrating. Everyone is doing ok, though we are wishing things were progressing more quickly.

Hospital: Tuesday #2- The afternoon

2008-07-22T16:57:00.002-04:00

A is doing much better this afternoon. They've played a bit with his pain meds, and in general he's quite a bit more comfortable, which means we are too. Nothing big yet in terms of news of his healing. We are waiting for bowel sounds, and according to the nurse we are still waiting, "for his tummy to wake up."

Erin and I just ran home for a shower, dog walk, and a run to the grocery store for snacks in our room. We're doing relatively well, and are optimistic that A will show signs of healing tomorrow.

Of course, thank you for continued support. We're hanging in there!

Hospital: Tuesday #1- It's gotta get better

2008-07-22T09:11:00.003-04:00

We had a very rough night. A's pain is not under control. In spite of his epidural, which is "delivering" the maximum amount of pain medication he can safely tolerate, he has severe spikes of pain roughly every two hours. He woke us throughout the night with piercing screams of pain. Erin and I took turns consoling him while his night nurse administered an extra boost of pain control at each of these intervals.

Thus far, we are expressly disappointed in how A's pain has been relatively neglected. The pain team has been contacted several times. After several contacts, they sent the resident up who looked at his epidural site and claimed it looked "normal". She said she's seen many with much more drainage than A's. Though that calmed us at the time, it soon became clear, as we entered the wee hours, that something was NOT normal.

This morning, the surgical team came in for rounds. They examined him and said he is looking good so far, though they didn't hear much in the way of bowel sounds (our first milestone). They were, again, made aware of A's pain situation and they agreed to contact the pain team themselves to discuss this problem. They also wrote for another medication that was explained to us like "Mot.rin". In addition, he does receive Ty.lenol by mouth every 6 hours.

Our nerves are rather rattled over here. We slept very little, taking turns working to console our little guy. The accommodations aren't exactly comfortable to begin with, but add in the stressful interuptions, and both of us are a bit on edge. He is now peacefully sleeping in Mutti's arms, and we've hit the 2 hour mark where the pain usually wakes A up, so perhaps some snuggles are helping. Soon, we're hoping to have a more effective plan for pain management in place. A deserves better than this.

Hospital: Monday #3 - Nearly time for sleeping

2008-07-21T23:42:00.002-04:00

Today was a long day. Surgery. Recovery. Then, we spent the afternoon wrestling with A's pain management. He was in a considerable amount of pain, and was intermittently screaming all afternoon. E and I finally demanded some more attention on how A was doing (after bringing it up several times), and they upped A's dosage of pain meds just a little bit. It did the trick. He is truly resting for the first time today.

E and I are about to sleep for the evening too. We've heard rounds come early in the morning, and we're anxious to get this recovery train on track. A is absolutely amazing. He is strong, loving, and incredibly beautiful through all of this. He is showing his moms how to push through difficult times and come out on top. He doesn't deserve this, but he is certainly navigating the entire experience with a resilience that I've never before seen. Absolutely amazing.

Hospital: Monday #2- Out of Surgery

2008-07-21T14:03:00.002-04:00

A is out of surgery and is resting.

They took A this morning at about 6:40 down to surgery prep. Erin and I went with. We left him around 7:40 so that he could head to surgery. We did not hear anything until 9:30 when we learned that the surgery did not start until 8:40 since they had to anesthetize etc... He had an epidural as well as general anesthesia. He also had an additional IV put in because they can put in larger IVs when babies are sleeping as their veins are more dilated.

We received word around 10 that they were finishing up and Dr. L would be up to speak with us. He came up at about 20 after and gave us a good report. He will have to go back in about 10 days to have stitches removed. L cleared out adhesions (scar tissue) that had formed due to the blockage and surgery from before (this is normal) and then reconnected him. He has "lots of intestine" to work with, so his prognosis is very good!

We anticipated being able to see A around 1045, and were not able to do so until nearly 1130 because A had an apneatic spell when he arrived in recovery. It was an isolated incident and required that we stay a bit longer in recovery for extra monitoring, but since he is ok we are now up in our room.

A is clearly uncomfortable at this time. His pain meds have been increased and he is now resting more peacefully. I held him for a bit down in recovery, but since he is sleeping soundly now in his bed, we are letting him be for the moment. We are expecting more visits from Dr's yet today to check in on him and his pain.

Erin and I are mostly feeling relieved. When A is no longer in pain, we will feel much better, of course.

Thank you to all,
Sara, Erin & A

Hospital: Monday #1 - waiting for surgery

2008-07-21T07:37:00.002-04:00

We slept less than we'd like to, but A slept through the night. He was a champ through the hospital hullabaloo (checking vitals, screaming children outside etc....) A is now stirring, and we're waiting for surgery to come and get him. They should be here any time now. We're dressed, and we are ready to go down to surgery prep with him until we go to the OR waiting room.

More later.

Hospital: Sunday in Review

2008-07-20T22:33:00.002-04:00

We are here, and we are doing well. Our anxiety grew as the minutes ticked by this afternoon. By the time we left the house (20 minutes late - probably not so unintentionally on our part), we were both wrecks. Our conversation topics in the car went something like this:

We don't have to do this, do we? We can just skip it, right?
This means the end of the ostomy bag! No more poop bag!
He's so happy; this seems absolutely unfair to him.
I don't want to do it. I can't do this. I can't either.
We can do this. We have to do this. He is our strong boy.

And so on, for 20 minutes.

Now, it's 8 hours later. Every one of those hours has flown by. A now has a tube down his nose delivering "Go Lig.htly" to "clean him out". He also has an IV line for fluids. Soon, he will receive antibiotics in the nose tube. We are able to feed him a mix of electrolytes with the bottle until 4am, so he will continually feel full. They will take him around 6am, probably. Surgery is at 730am and will last 2-3 hours. After he is released from recovery, he will come back to the room with us.

Already, much of my anxiety has dissipated. I have somehow faced many of the hospital demons that have been haunting me since this ordeal began. Now that we're here, I'm in the swing of the things. I know how this works (even though we're at a different hospital.) I know about hospital time. I know how to ask for what I want. We know how to advocate for our son. I don't like seeing the tube down his nose (and I couldn't watch them put it in. Thankfully, E was able to stay with him.) I don't like that he is not comfortable, and I really don't like the kid wailing down the hall. The demons, though - they're gone.

This stay is not like last time. There is not the same amount of unknown. No, I don't want to be here, but we are here as a family. We are going through this together, and this time I know my son. We know our son. When it is all over, he will wake up and see the parents that he now recognizes and loves. I'm still anxious about surgery, of course, but I feel a hope that I feared would not surface. We will resume our lives and truly put this behind us. I think I know that now, and it comforts me.

Marching toward the Light

2008-07-20T09:51:00.003-04:00

We are home from the wedding. We arrived circa 8pm last night - a bit haggard, but doing alright. A was a trooper the entire time, and so was E. It was a huge wedding, and it required a lot of people working really hard at the very end. Someday I'll post about the photographer debacle, but mostly things went off without a hitch: certainly, everything had a happy ending.

On the way home yesterday, a sense of what was coming hit really hard. The wedding had been quite the distraction, which was probably a good thing. It was something that we had to get through before we check in to the hospital, before A's big day tomorrow. I'm kind of glad that the wedding was this weekend rather than last, so that we didn't have as much time to sit and stew over what is coming.

Today is hard already, and it's just beginning. We are going to church and then to brunch. After that, we have to pack him up and head on in. Surgery is tomorrow morning. I feel the minutes ticking by, and I'm scared to death. I'm scared about how I'll feel seeing him, and I'm a little scared too about things that can go wrong. I don't want to have to spend time at the hospital. I don't want to be separated from my baby by tubes and wires. I don't want a tube down his throat/in his mouth/in his nose. I don't want him to have to be poked. He can't understand what's happening, and I can't explain it to him: that things will be better when this is all over.

I'm trying to see the other side, the light at the end of tunnel, so to speak. We will keep this blog as updated as possible, of course. Ugh, let this be over soon.

Excitement and dread...

2008-07-16T11:47:00.001-04:00

This troupe is off on a new adventure tomorrow. We will be heading the MI again for S’s baby sister’s wedding. This time we are taking the ferry from Milwaukee to Muskegon. It’ll be A’s first boat ride. We will have a busy few days of it; rehearsal, hair appointment, pictures, wedding, reception, gift openings and back on the ferry before you know it.

We come back on Saturday late in the evening. We will spend that evening getting ourselves ready to check into the hospital on Sunday. A has to be there for a day to clean out his intestines in preparation for surgery. The actual surgery is on Monday morning, we are not sure what time. They say it will take up to 3 hours. Following that we are looking at about 5-7 days in the hospital to be sure everything is working correctly.

I have to say, I am full of a strange feeling of excitement and dread. As I think back to his first surgery I was in such a daze that it was all happening I felt out of control. This time I definitely feel like the lead up time has allowed me to analyze and evaluate my feelings toward the surgery. So the clarity lends itself to a different mindset, however that is not the only factor. This time I actually know the kid. I mean, at two days old you are still getting over the shock of having a baby and what is expected of you. We didn’t know the little things like, he loves to have his hands close to his face for comfort. Now I know how to make him smile and laugh, when he is hungry, when he is tired, how to burp him, and much much more. I think this is what terrifies me the most, seeing him post surgery in a sedated state with a breathing tube and knowing he isn’t getting what he needs or wants. It turns my stomach.

On the other hand, I’m excited. This is the end of the ostomy bag. This is the end of fights with the medical suppliers about how many tubes of paste we can get at once. This is the end of A’s illness and the beginning of him having an opportunity to grow without (after a while) a million doctor appointments. It is the beginning of the end for special formula (hopefully) and the beginning of full breastfeeding for S. Now we will not be saying things like, “well, he has to wear a button onsie or his bag will show”. It is the start to so much. I just pray it all goes as planned.

This is it

2008-07-14T07:37:00.002-04:00

Today is The First Day Back At Work. I've slept about 4 hours due to anxiety, and I'm going to pack up this morning and leave my boy for the first time since the NICU. Makes for a fantastic start. I'm glad Grandpa is here, as I know A is in capable and extraordinarily loving care....but I'm still not looking forward to it.

Feel free to send me a little extra thought here and there today. I will probably need a few boosts throughout my first day back.

Slipping Away

2008-07-10T12:06:00.002-04:00

This is a hard week for me. I go back to work on Monday, and a week following is A's surgery. My tears are flowing... I don't want to go back to work and leave my baby. I don't. want. to. go. I'm starting to concoct all kinds of alternatives - none of which could happen by Monday - so that I don't have to leave him. Throw in the looming surgery in a week and a half and you have a bonified basket case over here.

The time is slipping by. So much change is afoot that all I want to do is curl up in my bedroom with my little boy and hold onto him.

Ahhh home Updated w/ Pics

2008-07-06T14:58:00.005-04:00

Pictures to detail our fab vacation coming...hopefully tonight...

We arrived home yesterday late afternoon after stopping on our way at Aunt J's to pick up the bridesmaid dress I'll be wearing in two weeks for my baby sis's wedding. (she's not a baby anymore at 25, I guess.) Vacation required good time in the sun, plenty of yard games, a little wine tasting, and oodles of quality time with family.

A met his cousins on my side, and they adore him! G swam her heart out w/ her dog-cousin Olive, and E won the big croquet tournament while also feeding A. She's a multitasking champ too! It was rejuvenating to spend a week with family, and I look forward to it again next year.

It is, however, also good to be home.

Here I sit

2008-06-25T10:53:00.002-04:00

in Chicago airport, alone, waiting for the final leg of my flight to Memphis. Only three hours ago I said goodbye to my wife and son for the first time since his birth. I will be away from them both for five days (that is a lot of growth I'm missing). Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit sad.

Moms on the Go

2008-06-24T12:04:00.002-04:00

I don't have time to be posting right now... I'm a mom-on-the-go. Well, I don't know about that, but we certainly have a lot going on. We are leaving this afternoon for nearly two weeks. We are driving to MI, where E is catching a flight to Memphis for work. I will be staying w/ my sisters to throw my baby sis her wedding shower. Then, we leave for vacation on Saturday (and E flies back on Sunday to join us). My entire family- 3 sisters & their families, mom and her partner - are all renting a house on a lake for the week.

So, we've been running like crazy, getting A's special formula together (Wal.greens messed up the order - fingers crossed it comes in today or we won't be leaving.) That's on top of getting all of his medical supplies packed and ordered (Wal.greens home care... again messed up the order and we are having it sent to my sisters house across state lines... a whole additional mess...) All of this on our first vacation w/ an infant. So, we've been on the go for a week readying our household for this major undertaking. Luckily, Gladys is easy to pack. She's happy with a Fris.bee and some treats - no worries that she'll poop on a bunch of outfits every day!

So, posting may or may not happen in the next week, but then we're definitely going to be scarce the week following. Have a great 4th, and we'll be back soon!

Feeding my baby

2008-06-20T13:49:00.002-04:00

I definitely underestimated the power that feeding my baby has over me. I've never been satisfied in feeding my baby. Of course, E and I were so committed to breastfeeding that she was working on lactation as well. We had planned to nurse A until he was a year old and thought that two of us working toward that end would make it all the more likely that we would give him the best start in life possible.

Of course, you all know of our bowel ordeals. Now, A is on a predigested formula that costs a bazillion dollars (not covered by insurance yet/still....) Instead of proteins, he gets amino acids and instead of fats, he gets fatty acids. When A's stools are within reasonable volume (as in, he is not "dumping"/having increased output and is therefore absorbing an appropriate amount of his nutrients and water), we are able to mix in a bit of breast milk so that he hopefully gets some of the good stuff from it as well.

All of this is somewhat painful for me. Of course, the surgery and the not-knowing around it were nightmarish. That aside, I have all of these issues around A's eating. I pump 6-8 times a day trying to keep up my supply. I feel desperate to try breastfeeding once he is reconnected. Feeding him now is unsatisfying to me - and how selfish is that?! His nutrition is not about me. Yet, I am struck by how I cannot feed my child.

I am not able to focus on the positives: that we no longer have to feed him in a regimented style where we feed according to a three hour schedule and to the most precise cc of formula. Now, he does get to eat when he's hungry, and we are able to give him some breastmilk... but it doesn't feel like enough to me. I want to hold him and feed him. I want to nourish him. I wish his surgery was this week so that we could be done with all of this. I'm tired anyways, all of this pumping is just overwhelming.

Of course, I also cannot stop pumping. I hate it. I hate every second of it. If I stop, though, I'll never get to just feed my child. That's what I want more than anything: those quiet moments of connection where I am giving him something that cannot be bought in a store, or manufactured by a pharmaceutical company. It is what I can do for him that no one else can. I'm glad that my pumping is used somewhat now, but I want the day where no intermediary (pump/bottle) is necessary to deliver the goods.

I know it's random. I'm just having a hard day.. time to go pump...

2 months old!

2008-06-17T23:12:00.003-04:00

Monday & the week ahead

2008-06-16T20:56:00.000-04:00

We had a lovely weekend. We were productive in that we did a bunch of shopping for our upcoming vacation. Then, yesterday, we went to the campus union where we played dominoes, drank beer and people-watched. Perfect thing to do.

This week is already proving to be a bit busy. Today, I started the practical process of my name change. I started at the SS office, where they could not fit both of my "middle names" into the slots, so my official name w/ the SS office is missing one letter. HOWEVER, the lady in the window was fantastic b/c for whatever reason, the name as it appears on the card had enough characters and will appear correctly. Weird, but yahoo! She suggested, though, that I change the rest of my afternoon plans: rather than head on to the DMV, she said I should wait until my new card appears so that I don't have any difficulty getting the name I want on my driver's license. So, first step is taken care of - 39,413 left to go w/ this name change. (Ugh!)

Tomorrow, I have a mommies group (I LOVE my mommies' group - future blog, I suppose!) After that, I have my (finally) 6-week check up post birth. Never mind that A is 8.5 weeks old. Alas. Friday A gets his first round of vaccinations. This upcoming weekend, we will be packing and planning for a very large vacation - nearly two weeks. Never a dull day around here!

Scatttergories!

2008-06-14T23:40:00.002-04:00

SCATTERGORIES - it’s harder than it looks! Play here or play on your blog. Saturday is game day!

Use the first letter of your name of your street to answer each of the following. (if your street name is a number use the first letter that spells the number. If you live on Fifth Avenue then your letter should be F) They have to be real places, names, things - nothing made up. You can not use your own name for the boy/girl names.

What is the name of your street? D****t
A 3 letter word? Dog
Something you would find in an office? Desk
Something that smells bad? Doodoo
Movie Title? Days of Thu.nder
Slow Dance Song? Drive
Something in your pantry? Dust
Name of a pet turtle? Daphne
Fetish or Phobia? Darkness
something you would find in your medicine chest? Deodorant

Feel free to play along!

I can't believe it

2008-06-13T16:34:00.002-04:00

Maybe this shows we're kinda nerdy over here, but Tim Russert passed away today. Wow, and during such an historically politcal year.

Add to that all of the flooding around here... did you see Iowa??! Houses actually washed away here in Wisconsin, and in the same flood an entire lake drained away! It's all very humbling: as much as humans think we control this world, mother nature shall have her way.

Life as it is now

2008-06-08T00:12:00.007-04:00

For three years, E and I worked to get here, to get to this place where we have this marvelous baby boy. I whole-heartedly confess to you all that every second was worth it. Every. Last. Second. I couldn't have imagined how complete I now feel, and I'm loving it. Every. Last. Moment.

I'm absolutely in love with this boy:

Smiley baby

2008-06-05T18:05:00.003-04:00

A is smiling now. We love every one of them. I didn't do a great job capturing on camera, but you see the glimmers in these. Also, yesterday, we celebrated E's birthday. Happy Birthday, my love!!

A meets his Cousins!!

2008-06-02T13:32:00.002-04:00

J (cammo) and A (red & white stripes) are just 3 weeks apart! M is going to be 4 in July.

We had a great weekend: brunch, farmer's market and the zoo! Thanks for visiting!!

5 weeks

2008-05-28T09:39:00.002-04:00

A is 5 weeks old (almost 6)! Yesterday we had a pediatrician visit. A is now 8 pounds 7 ounces! He is growing like a weed! The doctors are continually impressed with his progress and are encouraged about how he will come out of this!

We have been busy busy. S’s sister K came into town over the weekend and we had a great visit! A few days before she got here our good friend C stopped in on her way from CA to MI! A loves hanging out with his Aunts!

This coming weekend we have my whole family coming. My brother, sister-in-law, and their two kids are bringing grandpa! We are excited as we have not met our new nephew J and they have not met A yet! I just hope the weather holds up.

First Day in Court

2008-05-21T22:32:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow, we go to court as a family. We will, officially, all have the same last name after the court allows me to take E's name.

I used to think that this was going to be a big deal. Funny how perceptions can change.

Congratulations to us!

The weekend update, in pics

2008-05-20T10:21:00.003-04:00

We had a great time at the Farmer's Market this weekend, and Gladys had a great time hanging with A too!

First outpaitent doctors appointment: Updated

2008-05-16T12:22:00.003-04:00

We are going to the surgeon's clinic today for our first check up since the NICU! We both think little A has gained weight and is growing like a weed. Fingers crossed that that is the truth!

He has been verosusly hungry in the past few days. We are on such a tight feeding regimen it is hard to sooth him. Hopefully we will have more clarity on how to increase his feeding as he grows!

Update:

HE GREW! We left the hospital weighing 6 pounds 12 ounces and now he is 7 pounds 7 ounces! They say he is looking great! We are so proud of him.

Who woulda thunk....

2008-05-15T15:26:00.005-04:00

As S, A, my dad, and I sat on the deck yesterday eating dinner we couldn’t help but think about what a year has brought us. One year ago that deck was being built, S was starting a new job, we were planning my 30th birthday BBQ, looking forward to my brother’s family’s visit and a very very busy summer. We were also, anticipating yet another failed TTC cycle.
My, what a year has brought us, many good and many difficult.
Who woulda have thunk ,
• my brother and cousin reported their wives pregnant within weeks of each other.
• we’d be successful at TTC.
• S would have lots of morning (all day) sickness.
• I would consider co-lactating.
• we would have a boy!
• we would struggle to name the boy.
• I would start taking birth control.
• S would find pregnancy not nearly as romantic as she thought it would be.
• despite taking great care of herself during pregnancy the baby sugars attacked.
• instead of being the average of 8 days late for a first pregnancy our baby came 3 weeks early.
• S’s water would break without any other sign of labor.
• we would have to induce.
• 36 hours after begin home with our new baby we would end up in the ER.
• our baby has a freak intestinal volvulus.
• we watch our baby wheel off for surgery at 58 hours of life.
• our baby has an ostomy.
• we check out of the hospital and go home, again.
• our baby got dehydrated and dipped below 6 lbs.
• we checked back into the hospital.
• we stay in the NICU for another two weeks.
• our baby can’t tolerate breast milk.
• our baby is on formula because he can’t absorb nutrients.
• we are sent home for the third time
• I give up on co-lactating after months of prep due to not wanting another thing to manage for the next month.
• we’d still have more to go….
The good news about all of this, is that A is perfect, wonderful, adorable, sweet, and my favorite boy in the world. We didn’t anticipate any of that stuff but every bit of it is worth it because he is our son. I am totally and utterly in love with him! Just look at him!

Homecoming: Take 3

2008-05-13T10:12:00.002-04:00

We are going home today!

A gained 2 ounces last night. Growing boy! We will be inundated with doctor's appointments over the next few weeks, but at least we're going to be at home - no IV's, no monitors, and the ability to be outside!

It's sunny and climbing to 70 here today. A perfect day to be outside as a family.

The start of week 4 in the NICU

2008-05-12T10:45:00.004-04:00

We're not going home today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today. I'm getting the feeling that we're going to hear that for a few days.

A is doing relatively well. They removed his PIC line (central IV) this morning, and we're able to leave the hospital for 6 hours today (same as yesterday.) We are waiting for the surgeon to decide how to proceed if/when we go home as we will be treated like outpatients. E and I were not-so-secretly hoping that they'd just decide to go ahead and reconnect him this week, but it looks like that won't be the case either. The very good news is that he's continuing to gain weight, even if his output is still high.

I'm having a severe bout of the "Why Me"s today. None of this seems fair, and I have the urge to drop an f-bomb every other word. So, I think it's best that I sign out for the time being.

No real news, but a nice break

2008-05-09T23:07:00.003-04:00

Well, A's output has yet to improve. So, no real news.

This doc, however, (new as of yesterday) is not into us staying in the hospital since A is a relatively healthy little human. SOOOO, he arranged it so that we can leave, as in vacate in entirety, the hospital premises for up to 3 hours every day. This was a marvelous gift. We spent our three hours on the deck grilling and hanging out with Grandpa. Gladys was so glad things were somewhat normal, but nearly as happy as A's mommas felt!

What day is it?

2008-05-07T22:51:00.006-04:00

Well, I know it's Wednesday night, but time sure has a way of getting away from us over here. No big updates yet. A was able to continue increasing his feeds (good)... until today when he started dumping again and lost weight. Ugh. We have a new attending physician starting tomorrow, so hopefully we will get a new regimen that works. Updates when we know something.

In the meantime, here are some photos of our little guy. He's doing all kinds of things now like holding eye contact, giving us sleep grins, and lifting his head. AND, he's still working out how to suck his thumb. Overall, we'd also like to brag a bit about how laid back he has been through all of this. Clearly, he gets that from E. Enjoy the pics!!

Aha - I figured the video thing out though. Enjoy that too!

Another Monday at the NICU

2008-05-05T17:28:00.002-04:00

We are getting better over here, slow and steady (wins the race?)...

The history, so I can try to update and have it make sense: Basically, A had a volvulus in his small intestine, specifically his ileum, which is the lower part of the small intestine. That volvulus (small spontaneous twist, likely resulting from when the intestines migrated into his body in utero) died and backed up the rest of his small intestine. That volvulus had to be removed, but b/c of the back up his intestines are incredibly dilated. They have to repair his condition in two surgeries. The first one lets the waste go through his body and out (the side.) Then, we wait 6-8 weeks for the dilation to go down. At that point, they will then reconnect his intestines and he SHOULD be able to go on like a regular baby because he only lost 10cm of his intestine, which leaves 90-95%. Our trusted friend, Dr. Go.ogle assures us that when folks lose more than 2/3 of their guts, they start to have major problems... and we're no where near that, at least in the long term. In the short term, however, he is using only the highest part of his intestines which is a big piece of why we may be having the problems we are at the moment (during this interim between surgeries.)

OK, so I wanted to explain that b/c I doubt we did a good job of explaining earlier.

So, now, we are here because A doesn't seem to be absorbing. They've ruled out infection, which is a good thing... except that it is the most common reason for "dumping". We are working on getting him up to full feeds while supplementing with IV nutrition. As of today, we are at 75% of oral feeds (45cc/3 hours). He is no longer dumping, but his output is still really high. It's amazing how obsessed we are with input and output now...

We are cautiously optimistic and trying to remain in the here and now because there is nothing to plan for as of yet. In terms of us making do - my mom and sister B left this afternoon (arrived Friday), and they left us a few days worth of meals. We have some good friends in town who are going to help us with Gladys for a few days until E's dad returns at the end of this week. We, unfortunately, have no hope of getting out of here particularly soon.

So, that's the scoop for now. At this moment, I'm going to change my son's diaper and get ready to feed him. We are going to attempt actual nursing today - he LATCHED this afternoon in quite a surprise move, so we're going to attempt a significant feed with bottle as backup. No pressure, as today's latch was a significant milestone, but it feels good. We're trying now to focus on some of his developmental milestones and de-medicalize our understanding of life. He doesn't know that he's hooked to tubes, and we don't want to miss this start of his life because of it.

At least, that's the theory for today.

Still here

2008-05-03T10:36:00.002-04:00

The latest word is that we could be here a week... or more. A is "dumping", which means that everything he takes in, he puts back out leaving him at risk for dehydration and, of course, not getting the nutrients he needs to sustain himself, let alone grow. It is common for babies with his procedure (illiostomy - sp??), so we are working on a feeding plan that "works for him", as they say.

When we went home, he was eating breast milk fortified with formula to beef up his calories. Now they believe that the fortification overloaded his system, so we are working on pure breast milk. If that doesn't work, then we will move to a predigested formula.

My mom and one of my sisters arrived yesterday for moral support and helping us to maintain our household. Gladys was invited by her friends at doggie daycare for a day outing to a Frisbee tournament (um, we didn't know she was good enough to compete!! Our dog has a secret life without us!! Weird!) So, things are going as smoothly as possible at the moment in our lives outside of the NICU.

A is, so far, tolerating his feeds well. He is on intravenous nutrition and we are slowly (ever so slowly) increasing the amount he gets to eat at one time. We got the go ahead to move from about 1/2 an ounce to just under an ounce ever three hours for now.

We're holding up OK. Erin is, as always, strong and positive. I have some good moments too. It really helps to have mom and my sister here - they are helpful in terms of practical things, as well as emotionally - that's good for both me and Erin. Still, I can't help but go to the place where I am just in shock that this has happened to us... after all that we've already been through... after how much we wanted that little boy. Then, I bounce back, especially when I look into his eyes. He smiled at me this morning, seemingly in response to my voice. He is the most beautiful boy I've ever seen in my life. He didn't ask for this, but he did pick us. I'm so anxious to get the NICU behind us because that means he is healthy, but I wouldn't trade him for any other baby.

Too good to last

2008-04-30T19:47:00.002-04:00

We're back in the hospital.

Since we went home on Monday, A has had some difficulty w/ his stools. Lots of blood. We had called emergency on Monday night and Erin talked to the surgery resident who wasn't concerned.

We then had a fantastic day yesterday. it was the best day of my life, I think. We went to the pediatrician, who wasn't concerned about the blood in his stools (we brought it with us) since he was back to yellow breast milk poop. We ran a couple of errands, and just worked to get into the swing of things back at home. In the middle of the night, though, the red/brown returned. We tried not to panic/wait it out as it had returned to yellow the day before. This morning, though, A wasn't eating well, so the surgeon's office saw us (after E called them THREE times and badgered them into an appointment.) The nurse decided, after looking at A, that she wanted the surgeon to take a look at him. Dr. L wasn't concerned about the blood, but said that A "just didn't look well" and that since there is such a "small margin of error", he wanted us back in the hospital.

E and I are taking turns rocking A. We are waiting for tests to come back. A was definitely dehydrated and we are waiting to see if:

it is some sort of infection (requiring a 7-10 day course of antibiotics, probably)
he has mal-absorption issues related to his surgery (could require a range of treatments)
or to see if it was just dehydration (E and I were just talking and we have no idea what this would mean for us).

So, here we are again. Tired, feeling a bit defeated. We are, at least, glad to back in the same NICU where we started (there was a chance we'd have to go to a different one.) We are also relieved that G's daycare snuck her in for Friday as well as her usual Thursday visit. That gives us until Saturday to figure out how to arrange our lives. E is going to finagle work as best as she can.

No parents should have to go through this. Neither should any new little life to this world. A is still our little fighter. He is not a sickly child overall, we just have to get this under control.

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The post we've been longing to write

2008-04-28T14:38:00.000-04:00

We're Home.

Sunday - Please let this be near the end

2008-04-27T12:51:00.003-04:00

The last couple of days have been uneventful compared to our introduction to the NICU. They thought we might be able to head home on Friday. Our spirits were so high, and we were making the plans to head on out of here. Thursday night, though, we had a good notion that life wasn't going to go as we had hoped as A's weight had dipped HUGE. Friday night, we were disappointed with another low weight - though, the loss had lessened.

So, last night, we were very nervous to see A on the scale. We were ecstatic when we saw he had GAINED, nearly an ounce!! We did not have any expectations this morning, but all of a sudden - and don't get too excited here-- the doctor started saying things like "discharge" connected with the time frame of "this morning". She started to move on it immediately, and we were in jubilant shock. Everything was ready to go, and she began to do her last thing: the discharge exam. She pulled back the bandage to look at his sutures, and one of them was open and there was a bit of fluid draining... So, here we still are.

The good news, though, is that as long as the status of the suture doesn't change (i.e. does not pull more skin open, does not become inflamed and/or red, and he doesn't develop a fever), we are basically scheduled to go home tomorrow morning. (That, and he has to continue to gain weight.) I am finishing paperwork now for insurance, but other than that, it looks like we are on our way out - FINALLY.

Our NICU experience has been one that I never need to repeat. Unfortunately, we will have another hospital stay ahead of us in a couple of months when they put A's intestines back together again. Still, it will be planned and he will be healthy for that one... and we're going to be more than ready to get rid of his ostomy at that point.

On a good note, the folks here are really fantastic. Everyone is set up in a private room, so we've been able to spend the nights here. We have privacy all day to spend time together getting to know one another as a family - of course, we are more than anxious to do that on the outside of an intensive care unit, but we are lucky that we had the care that we did while here.

Maybe at some point in the future, we will blog more heartily about our feelings and experiences here. I've never endured so much fear and confusion. For now, though, it's time to go. I have to rock A. Please keep us in your thoughts for A to continue his healing and weight gain. He is a strong little guy, and we are so proud of him for making such great strides in just one week. (Thank God it wasn't any longer.) Thank you, again, for all of your thoughts and comments. We will never be able to truly express how much strength you all gave A's mommies while we've been here.

Nope Updated

2008-04-25T12:25:00.003-04:00

Not going home today. A is losing weight, so we're guaranteed another night's stay. "Disappointed" doesn't really cover it. Of course, we need A to be healthy, and losing weight does not for a healthy baby make.

Continued thoughts are more than appreciated. Thank you to everyone for your continued support. We have felt you all over the last week. Thank you.

*Update*. We won't be going home until mid next week at the earliest.

NICU - Thursday

2008-04-24T15:18:00.003-04:00

A meets Grandma for the first time.

A taking a baby nap.

All good news to report today. They discontinued A's antibiotics and we will likely see the last of the IVs removed this evening. We worked on nursing today (a lot more work to do yet!), and the docs think we will be going home tomorrow or Saturday. Yeah! It's almost time for A's second homecoming.

The newest news

2008-04-23T13:32:00.002-04:00

Thank you all for your continued thoughts, prayers and comments.

Today we are doing exceptionally well. (So far, no sign of tears returning either... fingers crossed!) E and I stayed last night and felt like parents for the first time since we brought him home. At our request, the nurse woke us every few hours to feed him (and pump.) We took turns quieting him when he awoke upset. We are sleep deprived today, but this time it's for the right reasons, and it feels so good.

Not only did we have a good night, but we got the go ahead to increase A's feeding amounts. If he can keep all of them down (no throwing up!!), and we can keep increasing the amounts we are going to be looking at going home sometime this weekend. If any sign of trouble develops w/ feeds, we have to start over again... in the meantime, he's off his pain meds and they are decreasing his IV nutrition so that he will want more and more of the good stuff.

We are holding A constantly now. I am working on bring up my milk production, and we are going to learn how to work the ostomy bag because we're likely going home in a few days!!

Thank you, everyone. We've needed you so much. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Preliminary negative!

2008-04-22T16:13:00.003-04:00

A had a tough night last night. He stopped breathing. They had to give him oxygen and a dose of anti-narcotic. His lungs had stopped due to the pain medication. After the anti-narcotic he snapped right back. It was the scariest thing I've even seen in my life....never again.

On a better note, the preliminary test for CF has come back negative! They will test for more rare strands but for now, we are convinced, no CF in our house!

He has also eaten for the first time in days. He was alert and looking for more afterwards.

Thank you for your support, he sure is getting those prayers!

Back in our Arms

2008-04-21T16:39:00.002-04:00

Today we had our first chance to hold our son since more than 24 hours ago when he went to surgery. This afternoon, they took out the breathing tube, took him off of the warmer, and finally allowed us to hold him. We can see his little face again!

Our little guy is so strong. Not only did he get off the ventilator in about a day, but he also is already using his bag, which means that we will probably be able to start feeding him tomorrow.

We are still waiting on the CF test results, and we have a way to go before we're all better, but you can imagine our relief at the fast progress. He is a strong and healthy boy. He doesn't deserve this, but he continues to have good vitals, and he moves quickly to each milestone. His mommies are just relieved to be able to hold him. Next, we are excited to feed him.

Thank you so much for your continuous thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your words. Your comments have helped us more than we can express to you. We will continue to keep the updates going. We hope to report only good progress here. Thank you again for everything. We needed you all, more than you can ever really know.

Pray for us: Update

2008-04-20T15:56:00.003-04:00

A is out of surgery and he is stable. They had to remove a part of twisted bowel that had perforated and was causing his major problems.

We are still waiting on the test results to see how this was caused, but the surgeon believes that it was just a fluke thing, rather than a sign of Cystic Fibrosis. We aren't out of the woods on this one yet, as the test has to come back, but before surgery we were told the likelihood of CF was greater than 50%. It felt like our world was unraveling.

His little body is lying there limp, but we now know that he is fixed. He's going to be able to poop with the help of his bag (ostomy?). They are estimating that he may be able to eat by tomorrow, and that we will be able to go home in about two weeks. In 6-8 weeks, we will have to come back and have some more procedures to finish putting his intestines back together.

Right now, A is on a breathing tube and lots of pain medication. We can't hold him right now, but will be able to do so tomorrow. My mom and all of my sisters are still on their way. E's dad is coming back with some supplies. We're not out of the woods, and we are still anxious to hear the definitive "NO" on the CF, but we are doing better than we since we arrived last night around 11pm.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Pray for us

2008-04-20T11:46:00.002-04:00

Please pray for us. We rushed A to the ER last night. We have since been admitted to the NICU. He has some severe bowel problems. They are taking him to emergency surgery. We will likely be here for days, if not weeks. No one yet knows what the problem is.

E and I are not doing well. E's dad is here and is coming to the hospital. My sister is on her way from MI. Please pray for our baby boy. Please pray for us that we can give him what he needs. Please pray for miracles.

I'm holding my son

2008-04-18T15:17:00.006-04:00

We're home. All three of us.

Quick rundown of the events:

Wednesday 315 -Water breaks
Wednesday 7PM - Midwife Mary confirms broken water
Wednesday 730 - we got the go ahead to go home for the evening
Wednesday evening - E packs the suitcase, washes bassinette gear. Midwife visits at 11pm for antibiotics (hadn't yet heard back about my Group B Strep Status)
We went to sleep around midnight.
A few contractions woke me.
Thursday 3am - next birth center nurse visited us for antibiotics (every four hours!)
Thursday 645am - we were at teh birth center, ready to stay
Thursday 8am - executed legal documents (lawyer and our friends I&M met us there!)
Thursday 830am - began my induction protocol
Thusday 9am - threw up my protocol
Thursday 1030 - contractions actually began
Thursday 430pm- acupuncture brought on terrible back labor
Thursday 6pm- extreme frustration resulted in a "check" where it was determined that I was 100% effaced and 5-6 cm
Thursday 10pm- 7-8 cm dialted, frustration set back in
Friday 1am - began pushing (no checks)
Friday 1:18am - A was born
Friday 1pm - we arrived home

E was fantastic. A is beautiful. More detailed account to come later. In the meantime, we're working on getting the hang of breast feeding, and settling in. I'm sore, but well. Baby isn't a big fan of eating yet, but he's gorgeous. Oh, his stats:

Gestation 37 weeks, 2 days (water broke at 37 weeks)
Born 1:18am, Friday April 18th
6lbs, 14oz
19.5" long
reddish blonde hair

The few pics I got to load are all messed up at the top, but there we are! Blogger is giving me lots of problems uploadng pics, so this is all I can do for now. Sorry, but more to come!

Just in Time

2008-04-16T21:50:00.003-04:00

Thanks to everyone for your exceedingly timely advice on what to pack for the trip to the Birth Center. As it was, Erin was posting that message just as my water was breaking. We hit 37 weeks just in time!

After a big meeting this afternoon, one that had caused me a great deal of stress this week, I hit the bathroom. A few gushes later, I tried to call E a few times. No dice. So, I called the midwife who told me she was pretty sure my water was broken. I finally called E and had them page her.

We went to the center where they confirmed that my bag of waters had broken (by that time, even I wasn't confused about was going on.) Baby's heartbeat is "perfect", and he passed the non-stress test with flying colors.

We are home now. My strep test hasn't yet come back yet, which means they treat me like I have Strep B, so the midwives are visiting every 4 hours to bring by some more antibiotic drip. We are hoping to start spontaneous labor soon, but will - regardless- be heading back to the birth center in the morning where they will begin inducement. Well, they won't actually begin inducement until after our lawyer and our witnesses show up to finish executing our legal documents.

So, I just ate some spicy green curry, E is doing a bit of laundry and (re)packing the suitcase. (We packed it in a hurry earlier today, but thought we'd repack since we have a chance.) Then, she's going to walk the dog. E's dad is arriving sometime tomorrow. After the m/w comes around 11, I'll be hitting the sweet dreams (as best as I can) until the 3am visit.

I'm a lot more calm now. Both of us are kind of freaking out - not ready at home or work, but calming down and letting it set in. Our son is coming. He's not going to be a May baby. He's coming, and it feels like we aren't ready. It's up to him though. OMG. We're going to be parents by the weekend. OMG. Wish us luck and a healthy baby. Sorry that was so scattered.

Buckle down

2008-04-16T13:33:00.002-04:00

It is time for us to buckle down and work on getting the final list together for Tot's arrival. At work that means handing things off for maternity leave (both of us, but me only 2 weeks and S 12 weeks). We have decided that most things that aren't done already outside of work are just "would be nice" things to get done but nothing is mandatory. My work shower is Friday and then Saturday we will go shopping for the final list of things we need. I think we are in really good shape.

How about a shout out to the blogworld about what is the one thing you wanted, needed, or were really glad to have packed in your suitcase for the birth? Those of you that haven't made the trip to the birth yet, what is the one thing in your "I think I'm going to want" category? Thanks for the help!

Donut anyone....

2008-04-15T11:57:00.002-04:00

Isn’t it interesting when people use food terms to describe body parts. The midwife yesterday said that the cervix is about the size of a hostess mini donut. Great! Tell the lady with baby sugars that her girly parts are like a donut that will eventually be like a pancake during labor. My only question is, is it more like the chocolate covered ones or the powdered sugar?

LAIOKI

2008-04-14T11:26:00.005-04:00

We had an appointment this morning. Heartbeat is 136, my blood pressure is good... yada... yada...

I have noticed a huge spike in my anxiety over the last week. My thoughts include:

I am worried the baby is getting smaller b/c I don't feel like I look any bigger (lost another pound this week.)

I have frequent flashes of worry throughout the day that something is wrong with him. My anxiety is calmed once I feel him move, which usually takes only a moment or two, certainly never than a minute or two... and that will keep me going for a while until 3o minutes later when I begin to worry again...

Today's midwife assured me that I'm measuring fine (35 weeks, which doesn't help my worries about him shrinking, but she says that as he settles into the pelvis, we might not see much more growth from our end...). She also suggested that I'm more anxiety-ridden of late because he's becoming more real. How'd she get into my head??! :-)

I think she's right... I'm not willing to dismiss my worries as ridiculous - as E says, we can indulge them each and every time - however, my other increasingly obsessive thoughts are those of Life As I Once Knew It (LAIOKI.) I'm constantly daydreaming about going back to LAIOKI. From daily types of activities to less frequent things. The other day, I actually thought about laying on my stomach, as in, at that moment I nearly laid down on the bed face down... I think I'm just beginning to feel the end. Obviously, life will never be as I/we once knew it. It's too late for that. This is what we wanted. This is what we've been working towards for three years, but I am having a hard time digesting the fact that we're here. We're almost there. We're having a baby and we're going to be parents. I can't believe it, and although I'm excited, I have no idea how to handle it.

What was I going to say again?

2008-04-11T16:48:00.002-04:00

At some point in the wee hours of this morning, I was awakenedy by one of my usual urges to visit the powder room. When I returned to bed, sleep refused to come. So, I lied there thinking. I ran through my usual thoughts: work (aaagghhhckk!! I have to get x, y, AND z done!), house work (we can check a,b, and c off this weekend if we put our minds to it!), and then I waited for Tot to kick me.

While running through my nightly neuroses, I also had the best idea for a post. I mean, I came up with the best subject and even plotted not only the subject matter but the intracacies of the format. I was so engrossed in the idea that I had to wait again for Tot to kick because I missed it the first time (I like to really enjoy my middle of the night bonding.)

So, I sat down today to write this post figuring I'd remember it if I put my mind to it: Nope. It's not there. My brain is empty this Friday afternoon. I guess it's time for the weekend.

Ped Visit

2008-04-10T09:49:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, E and I met with our first of two pediatricians. We went armed with a list of questions, and overall were happy with his answers. There were a few weird moments, but overall I think we could be happy with him as our child's medical care giver.

Weird moments:

Asked if E was my sister (hmmm, because most folks ask their sister to co-lactate?) He recovered nicely though, and treated us as a couple after learning the true nature of our relationship.
Gave us his opinion on vaccinations (he's very pro, and is happy to spread them out to make us as comfortable as possible) and part of his rationale was so that E and I wouldn't be inconvenienced by Tot's illness - you know, so that we don't have to take off work if/when he gets chicken pox. Since E and I didn't decide to have a baby based on convenience, we were both taken aback by that thought. On the flip side, we know that for some people missing a week of work because a child is sick absolutely must be a consideration. Still, strange.

Things we liked:

This guy is very pro-breast feeding. We asked how he dealt with problems and he proceeded to explain all of the resources he pulls on to help women get through the potential difficulties. He also complimented the midwives on their focus on and ability to facilitate breast feeding. He did not mention "formula" once. (As in, if you keep trying and it doesn't work, there are good formulas out there too.) We felt confident that we would be supported in breast feeding our son.
On that note, he was absolutely fascinated by E's attempt at co-lactation and said, mostly to himself, that he was going to do some reading on that. We saw this as supportive and as a desire to be informed. He did not dismiss it or act like it was really strange etc...
He is not particularly gung ho about antibiotics. This was important to us because knowing that we will be new parents and a bit uptight about anything that is wrong with him, we need to know that our care provider won't try to hand us the opiates of antibiotics, which really do nothing for viruses anyways. He said that he uses them mainly for ear infections - I'm assuming those tend to be bacterial.
Once he figured out that E and I are both moms, he treated us as such. The original assumption aside, it was clear that he would see us both as Tot's parents.
Overall, he seemed up on his research, and open to our opinions and style. He gave us the impression that he would be both supportive and informative. We don't think we agree with him on everything, but that he's also open to whatever it is that we want to do. This point is the most important to us as we know that no one will ever be just like us (which is probably a good thing!)

One more ped visit next week and we'll make our decision!

Getting closer

2008-04-08T09:34:00.002-04:00

The m/w appointment was relatively uneventful last night. I have lost some weight, again for the second appointment in a row. They told us it is normal w/ baby sugars to lose weight and confirmed that it is, indeed, ME losing weight, not Tot. Good enough by me - I figure it's a bonus jump on the after-birth diet, well-deserved after months of pricking myself and denying my cravings for ice cream.

After the appointment, E and I walked our attention-starved dog. When we got home, I had a chance to chat with my mom on the phone. We connected well, and I learned that she's going to take a day off when the baby comes so she can stay for a weekend and a day. A highly pleasant surprise, in my happy opinion. We then spent the rest of the evening reviewing documents (estate-planning) from the lawyer (me) and watching the last basketball game of M.arch (April!!) Mad.ness (E). Do we know how to have a good time or what?

As each day passes, I am finding myself imagining life after Tot's birth more and more. I imagine resuming old activities like morning runs with the dog (as if that would happen right away.) I imagine holding him and introducing him as my/our son. Somehow I can imagine what he looks like, as long as I don't try to imagine his face... I know that doesn't make any sense, but... I've even gone so far as to imagine him and another sibling running around our back yard.

At the baby shower on Saturday, someone asked us if seeing babies made us more excited or more nervous. It's not that I'm not nervous. I think that there will be more sleepless nights than I will feel I can handle. Inconsolable crying is always a stressful thing, but I'm so hopeful for our future. I'm looking forward to weathering those and other storms because I know we can do it. I'm looking forward to meeting and getting to know our son - enjoying him for who he is, and helping him become the best person he can be. I'm excited to hear him call for me and E for the first time, to see his first smile, and hear his first joke, to see him ride a bike for the first time. I can't imagine much further because it's too exciting. It's too much. He's going to be here in about 5 weeks (considering the first pregnancy tends to go late).

We hit 36 weeks tomorrow. OMG. Is this really happening?

Last patch

2008-04-07T10:51:00.008-04:00

The last patch of our over 100 inches of snow has left our yard! I have slight sunburn (not that hard for me to get). The house was cleaned with the window open. We grilled and ate almost every meal on the deck. Yup, spring is here. We had a fun and busy weekend.

On Friday I did the spring thaw dog poop pick up while S sat on the deck enjoying the weather. An Easter Egg arrived from my dad so we decided to go out to dinner. Our friend S joined us and the evening was nice and relaxing.
On Saturday, we slept in and then went directly outside! G ran around, chewed sticks, played ball, and loved her Mom and Mutti being in the backyard with her. We ate breakfast on the deck! S went grocery shopping and I cleaned the house. Then it was grilled chicken sausages for lunch and a walk with G. Our walks now consist of S wearing a backpack chair to the park and then sitting while G and I play Frisbee! It works for everyone!

Next we were off to a wonderful shower for our friends T and J, thrown by I and M, to celebrate T, J and little M’s union!

After that we were off for another walk to the park with G, grilled dinner, and then our friends M and S came over. They are due on the 20th!

Yesterday, included church, H*me Dep*t, working on refinishing our china cabinet, sewing a bed skirt, working on some legal documents, laundry, and a walk with G.
Phew….no wonder I’m tired! At least I didn’t have to shovel!

What are we doing here?

2008-04-04T15:43:00.003-04:00

We have had the worst winter in my recent memory (recent being a reliable 15 years- since learning to drive, in the least.) Today it is approaching 60 degrees, the sun is out and it smells like spring.

Why am I inside typing away at a computer? Work is sincerely overrated.

Bright spot: Tomorrow it is supposed to be even nicer!

How do you feel?

2008-04-02T09:53:00.005-04:00

I am now asked routinely how I "feel". Strangely, I get the sense that folks are looking for me to list off everything that's wrong with me. How am I supposed to answer this? By pointing out that I can no longer stand for an entire shower in the morning? By talking about how I walk the dog - taking a chair with us to the park so that I can sit for 15 minutes after walking for 10? By mentioning that I cannot sleep at night, nor can I wake in the morning?

Hearing myself complain throughout the day will just make the complaints all the more real, right? ... and I have more than a month to go. I can't be miserable yet. I have so much work to do at work, and we have so much to finish at home - mind over matter is what I say.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't complain to E. She gets to hear every ache and pain, possibly multiple times a day. She is also, of course, incredibly sweet. She willingly ties my shoes so that I don't have to bend down (walking shoes must be worn for walks or I will last only moments. Walking shoes are not slip-ons.) She is happy to rub my aching back...

So, how do I feel? I feel like I'm 8 months pregnant. I'm happy that I've not gained too much weight (17 lbs total as of last appt). I'm happy that my wife understands my daily bath-after-work needs. I also feel like I'll be happy to "get my body back", so that it's mine again. (Yes, I know it will never be the same. That's fine.) I'll be glad to stop counting my carbs incessantly. It will be nice to have a bladder larger than a dime. I've been ready to drink gallons of black iced tea since I gave it up last fall. I'm ready to be done with appointment after appointment, and I feel like my back might break in half if I don't sit down.

I also know that our son isn't ready to come out yet. From what I've read, his digestive system and lungs aren't really ready for the world yet. He has to gain a bit more weight before he's ready too. Since he is the ultimate goal, and the one that I'm busy taking care of, I feel like I'm not yet ready for him to come. I feel like he won't be ready for at least a month, and so I have to stay in a mental place that allows me to cope with the discomfort and inconveniences of being pregnant because he's worth it, and so am I.

It's a Baby Boom

2008-04-01T10:26:00.001-04:00

My cousin had her baby BOY yesterday at 12:27pm. 20", 7lb and 7oz, so smaller than E's family babies of late!

Pictures of D when we get them.

Congratulations

2008-03-31T12:58:00.001-04:00

Congratulations to Carey and Steph at UterusX2. Two new arrivals last week!

And now a cousin!

2008-03-28T21:22:00.004-04:00

Congrats to my cousin K and his wife S on the birth of another big boy to our family! HH was born yesterday 8 lbs 10 oz and 21.5 inches! I know my Aunt K is out of her mind trying to get to see her first grandchild.

Congrats to all...the baby boom continues!

The new family.

Precious HH!

Our nephew!

2008-03-26T09:55:00.005-04:00

Our nephew made his grand entrance into the world yesterday!

Congrats R, J, and big sis M! He is a big boy and has already seeped deep into our hearts! We can't wait to meet JA!

We love you!

The proud papa and baby boy!

Grandpa and grandson!

Big sis and little bro!

JA, in about 6 weeks your cousin will be here!

Staying put for a while

2008-03-24T10:25:00.002-04:00

We had a great time with the families. We spent a day and a half with E's fam. Tot's cousin is scheduled to be born tomorrow, so we had a chance to spend some last few hours with our niece, catch up with E's brother and sister-in-law, and relax with her dad. As always, we had a wonderful time.

We did have strange travels from E's hometown to mine. On the way, we got a call from my sister K telling us that she had locked herself out of the house and was going to be late in leaving. As luck would have it, we were about five minutes from her house on the highway, so we stopped by her place and helped her break in through a window. After that, we caravanned the rest of the way.

As we drove, the weather worsened. The snow was blowing and growing heavier. Traffic slowed somewhat, but not too significantly, until all of a sudden - 15 miles from my sister B's house, traffic came to a screeching halt... except that the roads were covered in ice and no one had realized it, so no one could actually stop. E was pumping the breaks and watching our rear view mirror as the driver behind us lost control of his vehicle and was coming at us sideways. As that was happening, I looked up and saw my sister across the highway pointing the wrong way. I was sure she had been hit, so I took off my seat belt ready to go and get her. E, who is absolutely amazing, remained calm. She yelled at me to stay in my seat while also getting our car into the grassy shoulder where we could get some traction and come to a stop. As we did, my sister waved and drove over to us. She was fine. We were fine. We spent the next 4 hours driving the remaining 15 miles, past accident after accident with fire trucks and ambulances passing us on the highway shoulder. I can attest that seeing someone you love in (what you perceive to be) danger is much worse than being in danger yourself. We were all very fortunate to escape unscathed. The totaled cars and rushing sirens proved that we were very lucky that day.

We had a very nice time with my family as well. (By the time we actually arrived, we had all recovered from being so shaken, and were just tired and ready to enjoy each other.) The weather kept my other sister and mom from showing up, but we had a nice time that evening with B, B's fam and K.

On Saturday we had a fantastic time at the shower. So many folks showed up, and all were incredibly generous. Clothes, gear, books and toys galore! Our son is going to be born into a large community of family and friends that love us and love him already. It was wonderful to feel that this weekend.

We left yesterday morning after breakfast and were happy to be home last night. We unpacked the car and started sorting all of the "loot"! Our nursery is full! We definitely need a bigger house! We were happy, too, to be home with the dog and be in our own bed. ahhh....

That was our last trek for quite some time. Other than taking a ride to a nearby state park, we are not likely to be doing any traveling until our little one makes his grand appearance. That's in about 6 weeks according to the due date. Um, OMG!!! The time is speeding up now. We are going to need every single weekend to get things done. We're looking at the end here, and it's coming up fast!

Here’s one for the books!

2008-03-19T14:50:00.001-04:00

So last week we went to the dietitian to talk about baby sugars. While we were checking in at the diabetes and dietitian reception desk in walks an employee from (presumably) her lunch hour. What could you imagine she was carrying? An apple? A celery stalk? Some string cheese? NO, a Mountain Dew. Oh that’ll set a good example for all the people scheduled for a consult with the dietitian regarding sugar levels! Can you believe it? Thanks for the support, input, and showing us that your skinny little butt doesn’t have to watch your carbs and sugar intake.

On the other hand, the dietitian that we saw was pretty well aligned with us. She didn’t “teach” us how to count carbs or what a calorie is. She just worked to help us figure out how to make sure the baby sugars stay in check while keeping a pregnant woman full!

Oh, and the office had a flyer in the waiting room about how calcium helps keep people strong and accomplish great things. It had Marion “the prisoner” Jones on it! Um, she is in jail because steroids helped her be strong and accomplish great things. You can keep Venus Williams on there for now though! Geez.

Well, we are off for a busy weekend as of tomorrow so we may not be posting much. Happy hippity hoppity weekend!

Life in babyland and beyond

2008-03-17T17:00:00.004-04:00

The tears are starting to flow more easily again. Last night, after an exceptionally productive day (I won't bore you with the blow by blow, but we worked from 9am - 10pm and even fit in a visit to the Y.MCA and brunch with friends!) I cried when I dropped my Sp.lenda-sweetened ice cream in the floor. I also cried for a while in the wee hours when I couldn't sleep after trying for so long.

Today, I've held back tears (while at work) when realizing it was a bagel or no lunch at all (I split the difference and had a half). I nearly cried after sitting in a meeting for nearly 2 hours (pure discomfort), and I nearly cried again just now after learning that a project that I've been (unsuccessfully and not b/c of me) managing for months is still about to blow up in my face.

My hormones must be raging, and I hope that they calm back down here soon. I'm tired. Work has me in a tizzy and we're leaving on Thursday morning to head to MI for our baby shower. That means 6+ hours of driving each way, 2 hours between locales, and not being in control of my food (which even under normal circumstances can be a big stressor for me. Not so secret: I'm a control freak when it comes to food, especially if other things are out of whack, like baby sugars or something.) It will be nice to see everyone, but it will also be exhausting. We are leaving G with her FDSF (favorite dog sitter forever), so she's one less thing to worry about.

I just re-read that last paragraph and grew extremely exhausted.

I am looking forward to some aspects of the trip to MI. I miss two of my sisters immensely. At times, I feel sick about being so far from them. The terrible winter and the pregnancy have only intensified my feelings of isolation from my dearest peeps, and I'm looking forward to being in their company. They accept or call me out on my neuroticisms (whichever most appropriate, of course), and they make me laugh like crazy. Double bonus: they think I'm hilarious too. They love E, and when we're all together I do feel home.... (What, you think I may be romanticizing this a bit?) We are also going to have a chance to see E's family. Her brother and sister-in-law are having Baby #2 next week Tuesday, so we will see them just before baby comes. And, of course, we will be staying with her dad for a night, which is always a peaceful retreat that allows us both to feel connected, grounded and supported.

So, life is crazy this week. Work is crazy and I don't know how I can get it all done. Home will be a bit less crazy but work has a crazy way of thrusting its crazy into home too. We also have to pack and ready the house for the FDSF.

Why am I still talking? I'm making myself dizzy; I can't imagine how you must feel after reading this!

Bored

2008-03-14T09:52:00.003-05:00

In the first week or two of birth class, one of the videos we had to watch showed a woman and her partner (presumably her husband) laboring for their 5th or 6th child. Whilst this woman wailed away, moved her hips, and basically worked herself through labor her hubby stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders while staring into space as if he'd never been so bored in his life.

On the way home I of course exclaimed how terrified of birth I was (those videos were too graphic for my sensibilities) and then I turned to E and asked her if she was going to be bored while I was in labor. At the time, I was admittedly genuinely concerned. It quickly, however, became quite the joke. Whenever watching another gruesome birth video I would turn to Erin and remind her that she was probably going to be "bored" anyway.

Last night was our last birth class, and I can't say that I am disappointed although I learned a lot and enjoyed the people. At the end of each class, we have to go around and say how we're "feeling", something I am not so fond of since I only like to share my feelings with strangers on the internets. After all, I'm a bit of an introvert when it comes to feelings. Anyhow, I said my usual short and sweet kind of thing and passed the candle (yes, we pass the candle to the speaker) to E, who after giving a bit of background said:

"I promise you, in front of all of these people, that I will not be bored when you are in labor."

Needless to say, she drew - as she so often does - quite the laugh from the group.

Thank you, honey. I will try not to bore you.

32 weeks: a Tuesday afternoon

2008-03-12T08:45:00.003-05:00

I had a very pregnant moment yesterday afternoon.

Sitting at my computer,I dropped a vitamin, which then rolled just under my desk. I thought I could reach it from my chair (my arms probably are long enough, now we’ll never know). So, I opened my legs wide to make room for my tummy and I took the lazy ladies way of bending and reaching such that I didn’t have to actually get up and out of the chair.

Of course, I slid right off the chair, onto my arse. Then, I had to –after thankfully remembering to actually grab the vitamin while I was down there – roll myself upright again to get up off the floor. I think I rocked back and forth 3 times before gaining enough momentum to get up on my hands and knees! No one saw me (and thus missed out on a good laugh), but I was out of breath for a good 20 seconds!

Before pregnancy, I could have easily fallen out of my chair on my own. The rocking to gain momentum though, is a uniquely pregnant phenomenon.

Dear Tot

2008-03-11T08:59:00.002-05:00

Dear Tot,

I love you very much, and I'm eternally grateful that you are with me. Mutti and I have both loved you before you were ever you.

I'm just writing to remind you that your temperature controlled environment, complete with 24 hour room service is a temporary accomodation. Please remember to care for it while you spend the next 58 or so days there. Here are some guidelines:

Please refrain from standing on my bladder. When you use it as a trampoline, I have to visit the bathroom, often with acute pain and teaspoon sized results.
Please feel free to stretch out and move around, just make sure you are not jabbing me in my rib cage. This causes me a considerable amount of discomfort that results in shortness of breath and an inability to concentrate.
At no time, should it be necessary for you to do both of these things at once.

I love you very much, and I'm looking forward to meeting you in approximately two months.

Love,

Mom

DST

2008-03-10T09:06:00.002-05:00

Did you all know there was such controversy over daylight savings time? I've heard a bit about it on the radio over the last week, and I'm just very surprised. Frankly, I don't care about most of it; I like DST because it means there is another hour of sunlight after work. That is a beautiful, beautiful thing - another entire hour of life every day! Gladys is likely to enjoy it as it will surely mean longer walks in the evening. Add a tinge of warm weather, and we'll be firing up the grill here very soon!

This week sees the end of many of our commitments. Since January, E and I have been running at full speed four days of the week. This week, however, yoga is over as is E & G's dog class. Thursday marks our last birthing class. Ahhhh..... all of this is very good timing as we are now working on lots of legal paperwork for Baby Boy's arrival. We realized last night that we are about 5 weeks from reaching full term. Of course, we will likely have 3-4 weeks beyond that, but 5 weeks isn't much time. So, we spent yesterday finally getting down to some good nesting business: cleaning the basement, going through paperwork etc. I think we can actually get it all done! (Not making any promises here.)

So, we had a good weekend overall. We were productive in that we went swimming, took the dog for some good walks... we made up our missed birthing class and we even watched a movie, which was ok - all in addition to the stuff I mentioned above.

Time seems to be passing quickly now. I'm sure the extra daylight will help that along even more so. Both of us are feeling like we have so much to accomplish (and we do!!), and both of us are just so anxious for May, to finally meet him. E is also incredibly anxious for me to finally agree to one of our names. ** Update on names: We have a brand new list, and we're making some good headway!! **

We will be 32 weeks this week. Wow!!

Weekend Approaching... and we're more than ready!

2008-03-07T12:59:00.004-05:00

This has been a crazy week, and I am greatly anticipating this weekend. Our to do list is long, and we can only pray that we get through half of it, but it will be nice to not worry about work on top of life for a couple of days.

We had birthing class last night, and we learned tons of little things about newborns when they come home. As usual, the class let out 15-20 minutes LATE. Argh. The good news is that we didn't have to watch any more births, which is good by me since never could quite possibly be too soon for me to ever watch another birthing video.

Tonight we will be hosting some friends and their new baby for dinner. The rest of the weekend will lend itself to baby-related paperwork, finishing taxes, installing a new garbage disposal and assessing and reassembling the basement. Wish us luck!

A surprise congrats!

2008-03-06T10:04:00.001-05:00

A big congratulations to Just Keep Swimming! After a bit of silence, they have some big news to share!

31 weeks

2008-03-05T17:02:00.002-05:00

Wow! 31 weeks...that means we are in the single digits on weeks left-ish. S likes to remind me that the average first time pregnancy goes 8 days past due date! I really hope that is right because I have so much to do here at work and home before my son arrives!

Things are moving along. Perhaps this weekend we will get some sewing and painting done to finish the nursery so we can move on to the other house repair modifications needed before he arrives.

On another note, our name games continues and about five more have been added to this list. We just figured out that actually writing the name makes a difference to us. As of today we are on the same page...I'm sure that will change!!!!

Last note, a big day in WI for us yesterday, Favre retired. HOW ANNOYING WAS THAT!!!! Every station's news was 20 min of Favre and 2 min (if that) of news yesterday. As non-native Wisconsinites, we are pleased to see him go so we don't have to hear the 6 months of wondering if he will retire or not. Farewell Favre, it was a good run. We will not miss hearing about you!

So far, so good

2008-03-04T14:44:00.002-05:00

I finally picked up the prick monitor last night, and I even figured out how to work it. I don't go in for my consult until Thursday, so based on what I read in the manual and the internets I'm testing and seeing how I do.

So far, I've passed every time. I have been more conscientious about what I'm eating (e.g. pairing my apple w/ peanut butter rather than eating it by its lonely little self), but I've not changed what I/we eat significantly. Saturday afternoon, I felt like the midwife was handing me (though not her fault) a prison sentence. Today, I realize that I'm just in a minimum security facility. No ice cream, no cake, no cookies... fine. I must do without the juice too. I'm just grateful that I don't have to eat steaks and give up fruit. That would be my nightmare.

We'll see what they say on Thursday night. I'm sure I/we will learn much more, but for now I'm going to stick with making sensible choices as my body seems to be doing just fine. Yahoo!

Another bonus, my manager offered me a promotion yesterday. Of course, I took it. Just what I needed after a weekend with some rough news.

The numbers are in….

2008-03-03T10:09:00.001-05:00

The baby sugars win....but not for long. Looks like we are going to be adjusting our diets and hyping up the exercise. S tested high on two of the four blood draws on Friday (her fasting levels were great though).

First I would like to say that it is just not natural put your body through what this test required. S would never, (1) not eat a sensible breakfast, (2) slam 100 cc’s of sugar, and (3) lay around for three hours straight after ingesting that much sugar. That just isn’t her. How can that really tell you anything about how her body REALLY works?

Tonight is garbage night and therefore a perfect time for pitching all the bad things we have in the house, which so far is only a carton of ice cream. The frustrating part is that I am not sure I know anyone with a better understanding and execution of diet than S. We already eat whole-wheat pasta (and only eat it less than once a week), we already have high fiber everything, and we don’t really ever have much in the house in the snack category. A snack to S is a bowl of fruit.

My family has a high rate of diabetes in it and I am shaped just like those that have it. So, I could really benefit from getting on the regulatory life of low sugar, low carb, and life maintenance. So, S you are not alone, I’m jumping on this wagon too!

Photomontage of the month in review

2008-02-28T15:26:00.008-05:00

Technically this was in January but here is one of the primary causes of stress this month, the three-season-porch leak from ice damming.

At the beginning of Feb. we got away to a cabin for respite, centering, and a plain old vacation. Here is S and G by the fire!

Here is a picture of the basement mid-search for the “problem”….i.e. pipe burst.

Shortly after the pipe burst our wonderful family members, K and B arrived with their 8 month old Newfoundland, Olive. She and G had their moments (we blame G) but are very good dogzins!

Finally, the one you all have been begging for, the 30-week belly shot in the nursery. Isn't she so cute!!!! Enjoy!

Happy end of winter…we hope!

The name game

2008-02-27T15:27:00.002-05:00

I'm sure E will have more than 2 cents to add to this...

When we first found out we were pregnant, I uttered these words (ala "famous last words"):

"I want to have a name picked when we find out what we're having so that we can call the baby by name from then on."

Hmmm... so, we began to compile a list. Anyone who knows me IRL should not be surprised to learn that we used a book complete with graphs and statistics and then put that information into a spreadsheet (my most favorite-est thing on earth. just thinking about spreadsheets brings me peace. ahhh.....) The spreadsheet helped us eliminate names that were too popular (E has a fairly common last name, so a rather uncommon first name will be required) and let us compare names that were rather similar etc...

So, sometime in September, when the weather was still nice (pre-arctic conditions), we spent a lovely lazy weekend afternoon on our newly constructed deck where we settled on a lovely name... for a girl. We were absolutely unanimous (me, E and the spreadsheet). The name met our rarity criteria, our preferences criteria, included a familial (middle) name, and we BOTH liked it.

We managed to narrow the boy names down to a short list that day.

Flash forward to November, and we had managed to narrow the boy names down further to two with a sure shot middle name. December crept upon us and we found out we were having a boy yet two names still sat on the list. Then we knocked one off and added another one. E now asks me at least once a week, "what's the chance we're going to name him F.J.?"

I haven't wavered in my answer for quite some time now "60%".
Then she will likely counter, "What's the percentage we will name him H.J.?"
Of course, I can't resist, "60%".

Sure, we've been talking about names for years and years. How can you not when you'd been trying to have a baby for at least that long? Why can't I settle on a name? I don't know. Unwillingness to commit? Inability to realize that a little PERSON will be joining our family in 2.5 months? Plain old indecision? Quirkiness? I have no idea....

(Nearly) 30 weeks

2008-02-26T09:32:00.002-05:00

We have almost hit the 75% mark. As of tomorrow, we will have accomplished 3/4 of this pregnancy. Wow! The time does seem to be picking up a bit, which I admittedly welcome... even though we still have so many projects to accomplish at home before our little guy comes... including deciding on a name!

The biggest change I've noticed this week, besides an increase in discomfort, is a tremendous growth spurt. I'm not sure if it's baby or if it's me, but my belly is a ton bigger. E was gone for 3.5 days and noticed it when she returned on Saturday night. Tot does, again, seem to have grown stronger. Some of the kicks and punches positively surprise me! and I still love them all.

This weekend, Grandpa is coming to visit. We always look forward to spending time with him. It's been over two months since we've seen E's dad, so this is a particularly welcomed visit. I'm sure we'll do the usual: sit around and chat, go out to eat, eat in, sit around and chat... I'll go to bed and they'll chat some more. As much as we're looking forward to his visit, I think Gladys might be the most excited if she knew he was coming. He may be her very favorite person on the entire planet. If only she knew what was in store for her!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

2008-02-25T12:27:00.000-05:00

Merr and Sum got their +HPT!! Big congratulations!

Home again home again, jiggety jig

2008-02-24T10:33:00.002-05:00

My dear sweet E is home. She has rescued me from myself.

I don't know how I did it. Usually when she is gone, I pout. I pout constantly and hard and let myself have a terrible time. I watch tons of TV varying that activity only with surfing the internet, and I eat junk food if I eat at all. I let the house go to pieces and bank on the moment that she arrives home.

Can you imagine the pressure that poor woman has to endure while she is away earning us our living? She is pulled in 1000 directions at those meetings and then has a sulky wife sitting at home waiting for her calls and her return.

This time, however, I worked hard at being a SANE person. I mostly managed it too... with quite a bit of help from some other folks that love me. I swam and took the dog to the parks (several times, which didn't seem to be enough because she was still terribly rambunctious yesterday). I finished up the registry at the local store, got a new (same) cut & color and went to the grocery store. All while receiving phone calls from a couple of magnificent sisters and a good friend in CA and a few cards from my father-in-law.

Of course, all of that love makes me want to move to be near them even more. It is, however, also a testament to how lucky I am to have such marvelous people in my life, even if they aren't in my immediate vicinity. I love my peeps.

E arrived home last night in time to go out for dinner (after a scare that she wouldn't get home until after the start of Sat.urday Ni.ght Live.) She has promised me a lovely day together. The temps are mild today (we're probably going to rise above freezing!!!) and the sun is out, so I'd say things are looking pretty good so far. Now, I just have to go wake her up.... I love having her home.